LW: While I'm normally the first one to jump into these discussions with the "To thine own self be true" stance, I have some small contrary points to add to the mix. (Because I suspect that as an academic you need to have some arguments sorted in your head if you are to make sense of your emotions.)

1) You are finishing a dissertation. I don't think you should make any big decision about your relationship until that is behind you and you can think clearly about your next life/career step. While I never advocate using people, I am not convinced that this is a good time to bail from a good relationship that might be worth salvaging. (Maybe. Only you know what's right for you.)

2) I think you should examine closely the source of your anxiety. Are you really depressed about continuing a relationship with this guy? Or are you afraid of one comfortable, familiar chapter of your life concluding . . . to be replaced by a new and never-before-experienced future? (I'm just guessing; only you know the real answer.)

3) Are you depressed that this person is not right for you (which may very well be the case)

. . . or are you afraid of other things in a permanent relationship? Are you unhappy about this PERSON, or afraid of the loss of your older life as a single person? There is a difference.

4) At 35, are you maybe a bit to cozy with your own routine, have you perhaps become a bit too complacent with all your own habits, that you have lost an ability to take risks or try new things? Maybe you have never been one to go outside of your comfort zone much?

I have a friend who claims to be contentedly single, but makes it clear she is unable to go out and try new things because Monday is laundry night, Tuesday is clean-the-cat-box night, Wednesday is "Deal or No Deal" . . . etc. I am just pointing out that there is a difference between confident independent single-dom and, well, digging yourself further into a rut. Is it the risk that scares you? Have you ever taken any kind of risk in your life before?

I guess it might be time to get away from the abstract realm for a bit and spend some time re-connecting with who you really are and what you really feel.

All the best to you!

Smokers expect everyone else to put up with their rancid odours and filthy habits and then whine and complain about how no-one's allowed to smoke anywhere anymore. (They're right— for the same reason no one's allowed to shit in public anywhere anymore.)

Smokers spend thousands of dollars a year on cigarettes and cry that they don't have money for insurance, or decent food, or their kids' education, or real vacation once in a while. Smokers steal from their own children because it's more important for them to hold on to some teenage idea of cool they got from a movie when they were 14. ("But cigarrettes are, like, my best friend!!!!")

Smokers at my old workplace took "breaks" every hour to go outside and smoke, while the rest of us who took comperable "breaks" by glancing through a magazine or going online were told in no uncertain terms to get back to work. The smokers got 5-8 breaks a day . . . and then they would come back and stand near you, AS IF THEY HAD NO IDEA that they smelled like utter shit. Tell me why this is acceptable in a professional workplace—if anyone launched wet, noisy farts contiuously at that level of stink you can bet they would be fired.

I LOVE seeing cute young girls smoke, knowing that they will look REALLY HOT and kissable when they get "cat ass mouth" by the time they are 30. Yeah, nothing sexier than cat-ass mouth. Smokers DO know this is what we call it behind their backs, right? Yeah, that's right you! You have CAT-ASS MOUTH!!!

Nurses stand outside the hospital on my street and smoke, looking like idiots, because . . . I guess they enjoy looking like idiots. "Look at us everybody!! We're, like, SMOKING!! La, La La, wheeee!!!! We're so silly!!!"

Nurses at the CANCER CENTRE take smoke breaks while delivering chemo, because, hey, THEY all know how much fun it is to get chemo, and they just can't wait to get in on the blood-vomiting action themselves someday. I am sure everyone finds it especially enjoyable to see a CHILD getting gruesome, torturous treatment for smoke-induced cancer . . . all because their parents would prefer not go through the (ahem) "agony" of quitting.

The tobacco industry takes your money and laughs and laughs and laughs at those who have had parts of their mouth, tongue and face hacked away due to oral cancer. Drooling executive sit around the boardroom table clapping their hands and yelping "Lookit!!! Lookit!!! Funneeee! Funeeee Face!!!! Ha Ha Ha!! Now we need some sexy young new "customers" to replace these old geezers! Ooooh! They're, like, NOT HOT at all!!!"

(Oh, and those "voice boxes" people can get now are really HOT too.)

I have no sympathy at all for smokers. Just quit already and let those cancer merchants get respectable jobs like panhandling or sex work. LW, if that husband of yours wants to smoke around you, that's your problem. But if he thinks it's OK to smoke anywhere near your kids, dump his loser ass.