You can't "fix" anyone. And I'm not even sure that your brother is "broken." Either way it's not for you to decide.

You're letter tells us he's a slob. A rube. A weirdo. A geek. A nerd. Out of touch with what is expected of him. He has bad manners. And that his relationship between him and his wife is, well, abrasive.

None of these things are against the law. (If he was abusive to his wife that would be different, but from what you have written it sounds like she's just like him. Maybe we should be thankful they found each other.)

He has completed his education to a very high level. He is gainfully employed. He manages his money. He owns a house. And he is married. All of these are pretty key indicators that your brother is an ADULT.

You can't "fix" anything about him AND he doesn't have to change anything. He might be damn well aware that his actions are "unconventional" (to say the least) but I suspect that's exactly why he does a lot of this. He's way smarter than average (on academic matters), and probably likes to annoy the people he sees as "conventional." (Just a wild guess, but I bet he calls other people "sheep" a lot.)

Even if he did go to some kind of therapy, and sorted out some issues, you know he might still choose to act, dress, and conduct himself in the same ways as now.

Stop trying to "help"—your help is not wanted, needed or appreciated. In my circle of friends we call control freaks "Helping Assholes" — as in "Look at me!! I'm HELPING!! See? Look! I'm so helpful!! I like helping helping helping!!!!" In the olden days, this was called "nagging."

Now I'm going to say something that I know will really raise the LW's hackles: Your brother's behaviors and actions are all BEYOND YOUR CONTROL. They will continue to happen with or without your "permission."

His clothing choices? Beyond your control.

His eating habits? Beyond your control.

The way he spends his time and money? Beyond your control.

Get it? All of these things are going to continue whether you "agree" with them or not.

If you don't like the stuff he does, you can minimize the time you spend with him. (For God's sake, if you know what he's like, why would you go on a major trip to Europe with him?)

You have to decide what kind of relationship you want to have with your brother. There may come a day where he wants to make some changes, and actually asks for some advice, but maybe not, so don't hold your breath waiting for "improvements." Either accept him as he is or get on with your own life.

Look. No one is saying that these behaviors make "brother" a fun guy to be around. I don't want to hang out with him, I don't want to work with him, and he certainly isn't welcome to visit my place. Everyone here understands that he's probably really hard to take. But honestly he doesn't sound all that much worse than a few other academics I know. (Especially in Engineering and Sciences, I must add.)

His manners sound atrocious . . . but so atrocious that he is unemployable? He must have had an interview; someone had to hire him. I accept that some workplaces have policies that make it difficult to fire people, but are his behaviors truly inappropriate for his workplace, or are they in the norm of what is tolerated there? What do his colleagues think of him? Does he have any friends?

And all the snap diagnoses of borderline mental disorder? Well, if he started hoarding cats and rain-soaked newspapers then I might agree . . . but lots of people are, regrettably, just boorish and uncouth, and I am not convinced that "Brother" doesn't do some of this on purpose because he knows it irritates people, like his sister.

I think we all have a relative like this. I have cousins far worse than this guy, the very definition of socially inept, slovenly, boorish, crude, ignorant . . . etc. And yes they embarrass me. But mentally ill? Autistic? Asperger's? Far from it.

People need to stop thinking they can "repair" everyone who they see as imperfect. Some people are just going to do whatever it is they do, whether we like it or not. Sometimes, they will even do it intentionally, IN SPITE of our best advice. The only thing we can do to "help" the situation is decide how much of it we will allow to slop into our own lives.

Oh, and one more thing: I suspect that Brother and Wifey have a LOT of laughs at Prissy Sister's expense when she is not around. If anyone is the joke of the family, I have a guess about who it might be . . .