I was not traumatized as you were as a child, as I grew up in home that Americans would call "liberal" secular and progressive. In Canada this is considered quite ordinary. It's the fundamentalists who are the oddballs here.

However, throughout my childhood and teen years (and even now and then as an adult) I have come across my fair share of fundamentalists of varying degrees, hardcore fanatics, and the usual parade of hateful mean people that we can all find when we look for them, and sometimes when we don't.

As a consequence, I have always been very uncomfortable with people (of all religions) who take religious teachings blindly, or use them as a basis for fear, hate, and abuse.

Actually, that is a bit of an understatement: I can go ALMOST OUT OF MY MIND when I have to deal with any kind of fundamentalist bullshit. I can rant and rave for DAYS about it, and frankly, can get just as bad as they can be. This was becoming a problem for me. I was not at peace with my beliefs, or the fact that others will believe as they please, regardless of my feelings. I was a "fundamentalist anti-fundamentalist" and fundamentalist ANYTHING is not really that healthy.

HOWEVER, I read something recently, possibly somewhere here on Salon, that gave this old bug-bear of mine an interesting twist. The issue was posed (maybe not exactly in these words) something like this:

If you knew somebody who worshipped Hitler, you would probably not be their friend, and you would keep your distance from them. It's so obvious, most people wouldn't give it a second thought. You certainly wouldn't feel all anxious or inadequate for not "accepting" that friend's "personal perspective."

So, if you knew somebody who worshipped a cruel, all-knowing, all-powerful deity who, by their accounts, BEHAVES EVEN WORSE THAN HITLER, you should have even more reason to know it is OK not to buy into their beliefs. You should feel comfortable challenging them, or, better yet, staying away from them. There is no need to feel bad or anxious or self-loathing about disagreeing with people and ideas that are corrosive, harmful, and the cause of pain and misery.

The way this simple idea was phrased was hugely eye-opening for me. It helped me stop hating the general ideas of God and religious practice, but to continue to feel confidently OK about disagreeing with SOME PEOPLE'S BELIEF IN WHAT GOD IS LIKE, and what it is claimed that "He" asks people to think and do. I can still disagree with certain beliefs and actions, but can feel OK, and comfortable and relaxed about my disagreeing, instead of feeling "bad" or threatened by other people's craziness.

This allowed me to remember that not all religious people believe in that terrible psychotic old man in up the sky whose sole purpose is torturing helpless human beings for all eternity—there ARE alternative ways to conceptualize a creator, a "God" if you must use that term—We can think and act intelligently, we can take inspiration from stories and metaphors, WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW WE CHOOSE TO PERCIEVE OUR DEITIES.

I guess this way of thinking helps me keep a clear head when I confront similar issues when they come up. None of it has anything to do with "God" or those that claim exclusive knowledge of a Divine Plan, but everything to do with how different people IMAGINE GOD TO BE. Personally, I'll stick with those who imagine God to be quite the OPPOSITE of Hiter, thank you very much!

I know you probably can't discuss these issues with your parents in a sane, detached, intellectual, questioning, respectful kind of way, but maybe you can find some common ground. (?) [Not sure on this—you know your family better than any of us here.]

If they believe in God, as they claim, and if you still believe in God (although you may not, which is totally understandable) is it at all possible to defuse the arguments/judgements by saying that the God you believe in is perfect and loving and surely would not make any mistakes, like sending the wrong people to the wrong place?

Can you ask them if they truly "have faith" that the universe is unfolding as it should? That God will be the judge of situations, not your parents, not the neighbors, and not the cranky old lady down the street? Can they just let God be in charge of whatever it is He is supposed to be in charge of and stop bothering themselves and everyone else about it?

I fear that if you can't even engage your parents at that level, if they still nag you and insist on drawing up their own personal list of the "saved" and "unsaved" (why—because they don't think God is up to the task????) then you may have to distance yourselves from them a bit more, and take Carey's advice about getting some help taming the gruesome pornographic images that have been stuck in your head, so you can be more at peace with your own beliefs, your own choices, your own life.

It's just another angle on a problem that a lot of people have to deal with, so I thought I'd put it out there for your consideration.

I wish you all the best.

Yep, the convo got off track, responding to other comments that irked me, not the original article.

But if you need to know, a lot of what I do is actually out in corporate offices (or they come here), so I do have to dress so as not to horrify them too much. Not full business drag by any stretch, but decently.

(But when I've got the paints and stuff out, of course it's cozy slovenliness all the way!)

And as far as the TV-watching goes . . . well that would cut into my Salon-letter-writing time so I guess something would have to give . . .