Letters to the Editor
loopychick
Published Letters: 32 Editor's Choice: 9
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Do not pity me: I prefer solitude.
[Read the article: I'll be alone for Christmas -- merrily!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Somebody smart (I forget who) once said something like, "If you are lonely when you are alone you are in poor company." Like you I am an atheist and I have spent several Christmas Days alone - although I have wonderful parents an affordable plane flight away and good friends nearby. Even those who know me well profess themselves appalled at the thought of me sitting home "all alone". Most are genuinely concerned for my welfare and I suspect some are a little envious. In the end I think people fall into two groups: those who are content with their own company and those who prefer to be with others. The latter group may sadly never understand that such a day can be an absolute joy. All you can do is be gentle but firm. You cannot change how these people think. I am going to family this Christmas. It will be wonderful to see them, and to catch up with old friends, but I'm also very much looking forward to New Year's Eve on my own. Just me in my condo with the fireplace and lots of candles lit, some books, a bottle of good wine, some chocolate, my favourite jammies, and absolute delicious peace. Its great to know someone else understands. Solitaire, I hope you have a wonderful day in wonderful company!
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Welcome to a very big club : )
[Read the article: I'm a suburban husband in my 40s and I think I'm getting depressed]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Cary's answer to your letter, LW, is so good and so on-the-mark that there's really not a lot I can add. I'm a mid-40s woman (although one who's job demands that she be "strong") who is the process of coming back from depression. I've learned a few things that may help you:
Depression has nothing to do with whether you're "strong" or not. Its can be brought on, or slid into very gradually, by a combination of things - situational, chemical, stress.
Generally the most effective treatment for depression is a combination of medication and behaviour-modification training. I was very resistant to the idea of medication also, but my doctor advised (and he was right!) that the meds would help me feel better fairly quickly which would then give me the energy to take other steps (seeing a psychologist, behaviour-mod counselling, and as Cary mentioned getting good sleep, eating well, and getting some exercise. All of this gave me back a sense of control over my life and health. I found that a food diary helped me, and I learned that sugar intake, for me anyway, tended to contribute to low days.
My psychologist told me that stress creeps up on you like a drop of water into a full glass. You can handle a drop, and then another, and another, and then one of those drops is too much and the glass overflows. Its not uncommon that this often happens in "mid-life". It has nothing to do with how tough you are, although people who recognize the signs and take steps to help themselves - as you have done - are better at getting better.
There can also be a huge physical component to depression/anxiety/post-traumatic stress disorder and any combination thereof. In my case a complete physical turned up very low iron and thyroid function. These factors and others can both contribute to depression and by caused by it. So a thorough check-up is a must.
Finally, I'm also exploring my "creative" side - starting an art class next week, doing a lot of reading, trying on some things I haven't done before, seeing what makes me happy. I'm also gradually weaning myself off my medication under my doctor's guidance.
I was pretty open about my situation with friends and co-workers and I was amazed at the number of people who had been, or were, in the same boat. It may sound trite but you are not alone. You might also want to look up the Beck's Depression Test and take it. For me it kind of confirmed my own diagnosis.
Good luck, LW. Above all be kind to yourself.
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Those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind......
[Read the article: I'm a nude dancer trying to finish my Ph.D.]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]....it would be nice if that was always true!
There are always going to be people who will criticize you for something you do, or have done, that doesn't fit in with their idea of what you should be. You may well suffer some fallout from others and it may negatively affect your emotions, your academic achievements and any future career. Everything you do can have consequences: perhaps you get a visible tattoo, but you accept that some people will disapprove and that it may affect how some people view you.
In the end you can't please everyone so you do what you have to do as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. In a perfect world your academic record would stand by itself - but as Cary suggested you may want to plan in advance for any negative fallout. If you feel you are treated differently at grad school because of your dancing you may have some legal recourse.
Good luck to you! (I guess wearing a wig and veil is out of the question?)