You were not molested -- you were raped. Molestation brings up images of groping, and people tell themselves it not so bad.

You were not abused -- you were raped. Abuse brings up images of getting punched, or hit now and then, nothing to serious.

You did not have sex -- you were raped. You don't just get over it.

If you use polite language to not offend, no one will listen to your reasons. Your mom wants this, because you use language that is mild, and gives the impression that it's not that serious.

You need to be graphic, its hard, it probably embarrasses you to use the language. But you need to say mom - he raped me, give Graphic details - if she ask you to stop - you say that you'll stop when she backs off asking him to be present when you are there. Do it in front of other family members, not in private, don't let her avoid the truth. Because as long as you use nice, polite, politically correct language -- she can and does tell herself what happened wasn't so bad. And you are letting her imagine that - because you are unwilling to use bad language, and talk about terrible things. She doesn't believe because she doesn't want to believe, and your language allows her to do this, the issue is your mom doesn't really believe your brother did anything so bad, and your language agrees with her. Language matters.

And above all, keep your kids away from him -- tell her your kids are more important than her 50th.

Let me guess, your house is a mess, and you don't do housework, but leave it for your wife when she gets home.

What do you do? Dishes? Yard work - no, home repairs- no, do you vacuum? Pick up? What ?

It doesn't sound like home ownership is the problem, it sounds like you are a slob, and to lazy to take care of problems when they pop up. I wouldn't want to rent to you either.

If you rented, you still have to do yard work, unless you are in an apartment -- which would not be great on your kid.

People don't knit from the moment they get home til 2 in the morning, or anything else -- unless its an addiction.

The real issue is, you both work full time, get home and he starts to game while you get dinner.

You take care of the kids, homework, bath bed time - he games, and gets mad at the kids if they interupt.

You clean the house, and he games.

Weekends, you go do something with the kids, he doesn't come because he is gaming. Need something from the grocery store, hardware store - you go alone, he games.

Try to game with him -- problem is someone still has to clean house and cook meals, and do chores - and he games.

Game with him, and latter he will use it against you, when you try to get him to see how unfair it all is, this is why women hate gaming. Its not a hobby, its an excuse to opt out of responsibilities.

Now, don't get all indignant, I am not taking about people who play once and awhile -- but 10+ hours a day. Nothing that is 10+ hours a day is a health hobby. And it leaves no room in your life for other real people.

Your mom will find out someday. The issue is when she founds out you already knew and didn't tell her, she will feel a betrayal as bad as what your father is doing. She wont' forgive you, and she shouldn't. By not telling, you are protecting, and helping your father betray her. If he robbed a bank, you would be the driver.

People who keep these kind of secrets are cowards rationalizing why they shouldn't get involved. That is how the betrayed spouse goes so long without knowing, because they are usually betrayed by more than the straying spouse.

Your father, is risking your mothers health with out her knowledge, he is possibly risking her financial health without her consent. HE is the person who is doing something wrong, staying silent is ACTIVELY helping him to do it.

And most people haven't. It has always bugged me through how many people have - figured they were like you , morally lacking or social paths that can justify their behavior, and don't feel to much guilt over it.

As for LW it is your business, because if dad leaves mom penniless, guess she will be living with you.

What is wrong with this board -- BE HONEST

Do not lie about how you got the info

Do not lie by omission about what you know

Do not lie by being anonymous

If you dad was talking about murdering you mother in the emails, would you keep silent? He is exposing her to possibly dangerous STDs that might kill her, give her cancer ..... think about it as saving your mothers life. She maybe unhappy with you (angry at the massager) she'll get over it. She may know already - but hey if she does, she won't be angry with you for bringing it up and if she doesn't she really, really needed to know from someone who loves her, at some point your dad or his girlfriend are going to tell her, wouldn't it be nicer if it was you? Cause they don't love her, you do.