My mother was a neat freak who HAND-IRONED sheets. She tried to take me in hand, but forget about it! I did, for decades.

Then, when my apartment's clutter got ahead of me, I bought Cheryl Mendelsohn's HOME COMFORTS. You don't want to drop this thing on your foot or you'll break your toes, but it is a serious explanation of how to clean and organize as well as an explanation of establishing a plan for living more comfortably. Anything you can do to start is good.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'd outgrown that apartment, which is the major part of the problem. So, when I moved, I took HOME COMFORTS with me and determined never to let things get that bad. I also "inherited" the previous tenant's cleaning woman, who is one of the great comforts of my life.

I will never have an uncluttered working area. There will always be books all around. And my closets may resemble terra incognita in between her expeditions into deepest, darkest walk-in. But the place is clean, fragrant, orderly, and very comfortable.

I don't think your husband should push all the cleaning on you. But the thing is, the place needs to be clean so you can all live like people and the kids have a good example and a sane environment. No, it's not fair. But the sooner you get started, the sooner you'll have a habitable place from which to come home from counseling. If he doesn't go, you should, if only to determine why you married such a nut.

He's backing down. How come it's not a flip-flop when an Evangelical Republican conservative makes with the double-talk?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Nehemiah Scudder! Heinlein readers will catch the reference right off.

It seems to me that if a letter writer is worried enough to write to Cary, there's enough problems already without the kinds of scolds some people on this thread have treated her to.

It may be fun for you, but it's not helping, and it's certainly saying more about you than about her.

Please don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you that you've got reason to feel guilty. How you feel is how you feel, but you have no reason for it.

Anyone who can write the letter you wrote, who can maintain a loving relationship with her parents during this kind of intellectual, religious, and emotional turmoil, is a very good person indeed.

I second what one of the other people in this thread said about college. Get yourself to a secular, solid, residential college; take the most challenging courseload you can find to keep you thinking; and take things one at a time, with the same rationality you've displayed.

Good luck. People like you, who remember the good and the bad of where they've come from, yet head for their own choices, are the future of this country.

For the delicate (male) blossoms determined to take center stage in the abortion drama, GET A UTERUS or GET OVER IT.

For the men who see pregnancy as carrying a price tag, if you thought the woman was going to take you to the cleaners, why'd you sleep with her? GROW SOME SENSE. Besides, if a woman wants money, sleeping with you is a pretty yucky way to get it.

It's not your body; you're not center stage; it's not all about you, and you're not in control.

Now, take a deep breath before I accuse every boy who's ever had a wet dream of genocide.

I always thought this was going to be an ugly campaign.

If gentlemen like this entrepreneur keep this up, Hillary's going to wind up a heroine like Rosa Parks.

I have little problem with this, but I suspect they do.

Does it seem to you that this is Too Much Information? I mean, it's a perfectly natural function, but I see no reason why it's of interest to anyone but the woman involved, her OB/GYN and her drugstore.

If the guy formerly known as a bunch of symbols approves of this t-shirt, he's a "schande fur die Goyim." Translation provided upon request.

JavaMama, thank you for posting. I know a number of responsible and courteous conservatives. I don't use language like this around them (in fact, I don't usually use it), and I'd be astonished if they used it to me or anyone else.

Look it up, symbol-guy.

You've proved my point.

Now, don't you have anything better to do, like pulling the wings off flies?

I too play with my plastic to an extent I can handle, but don't like. I'm working on it by paying more than the minimum on each card each month as soon as I get the statement, calling each card every six months and getting lower interest rates, and trying to scale back. e-Bay has become the clothes store of choice.

This isn't the first time I've run up the plastic. It seems to be my besetting sin, and I scold myself for it quite enough. I also save aggressively. Ironically, what's helping me this time is a job loss about two years ago. I disciplined myself to job hunt, and that included personal finances.

Dirty little secret: the usual "They" denounces credit card insurance. If you're worried about your job, it's a lifesaver.

And to think I once complained about cramps and/or hot flashes.

Ouch!

Frankly, I'm glad Bill Kristol said it.

I like knowing who thinks I'm a problem.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.