The withdrawal pains are peaking. GIVE ME MY TABLETALK.

I have mixed feelings about circumcision, myself. I'm generally anti. But my Jewish boyfriend may feel otherwise. He is also a cognitive scientist and we have had discussions about this concept of "letting the boy decide" whether to circ himself once he's older. If you cut off the foreskin of an 8-day-old boy, his brain will develop his sexual pleasure receptors to accomocate that. The brain is quite elastic at that point. But if a boy grows up with a foreskin and then decides as an adult to get circ'd there is a good chance that the brain's neurology will never be able to accomodate the loss of those nerve endings. Adults who get circ'd often report a great loss of sexual sensation. It just doesn't seem the smart way to go.

I am a 30 yr old female who is in a loving, committed relationship with a wonderful man who is 2 yrs older, emotionally available, sensitive, and handly with the belt in the bedroom when I need it. I was never molested and in fact am one of the few women I know who has never been raped/coerced/unsure of what-just-happened-here after a sexual encounter with a guy, and I have always had very positive male relationships, first with my father, then my brother, and all of my serious boyfriends. And I like to be held down, it has always turned me on to be told what to do in bed, I enjoy being submissive, and there is nothing wrong with me. You don't have to be messed up in the head to get off on being held down now and then. I've always been turned on by that stuff, even back when I was fantasizing about boys for the first time.

My boyfriend, thank heavens, is a bigger feminist than I am, and he still enjoys indulging me.

Also, as others have pointed out, I think many (if not most or all!) guys get off on seenig their partner get really turned on, even if they aren't personally super into the kink they are asked to perform.

I think the worst sign in LW's relationship is that the boyfriend won't even validate her desires at all. He mocks them and says they are silly.

I have a feeling he might just be scared, though. Guys are taught not to treat women badly and now you want him to be rougher with you in bed. Power can be a scary thing to play with when combined with sexuality, and he's probably afraid of "doing it wrong" or that if he like it then he's a bad guy. Maybe you can work with him to see if those are the real issues standing in his way. If they are, you can probably get him to indulge you. If it's something he just isn't into and that just doesn't turn him on, then you have to decide how important it is.

It's interesting how we have all colors of the spectrum represented in the responses here. Some people say that sex is not the be-all and end-all and once they're older it's a lower priority so if everything else is great then your relationship can survive (even thrive!) without your getting the naughty action you crave in bed. People on the opposite end of the sexual importance rainbow have written in to tell us that if the sex doesn't get you off but good at this point, the rest of the things in your relationship aren't enough to save you, so you are doomed.

Just goes to show you that it is really about your individual taste and priorities! Clearly all of those people who feel the opposite of each other can't be half right and half wrong about whether they are happy in their relationships. It takes different strokes (of the cat-o-nine-tails) for different folks.

And re: the letter titled "To Ladderman, Our 12-Year-Old Co-reader":

That was so clearly a JOKE. It was not a letter from a 12 yr. old.

Duh.