Dear ILTW (aka Heather):

You and Scott are both right about the things that are wrong about Threshold, but you missed the main problem (and also a secondary problem--why are Carla's lips so big and glossy? It's like they're spilling out of their natural borders into the rest of her face. Did she just get beaten up? Has she caught Melanie Griffith's disease?). Every week someone who has been peripherally exposed to the signal causes all sorts of trouble. Meanwhile, what the hell are those crew men doing?! Don't any of THEM know that they could set off a chain reaction by posted the damn thing on the Internet? If they don't, why aren't they doing any of the other millions of things they should be doing to get the signal out in the world?

And on another note, Doug was EXACTLY right about Arrested Development. I quit the show at the same time, although I'd long forgotten all those details.

Love you, Heather. Your columns are great, and your taste and insights are wonderful. Usually. I just don't get the love for "24." Let's see, it's a show built on plot twists which you call "empty and arbitrary" (at least this season). You refer to it as "this sometimes kitschy, sometimes unrealistic, sometimes downright foolish nail-biter of a show." You point out that this season "the main story [is] a little weak" (and it's been weak--a lot weak--other seasons).

Why are you still watching it?? And why are you writing about it? Seems like a show we should hate based on quality (I don't know because I quit long ago based on the fact that it's vile).

But even if it were a quality thriller, how could you like this right-wing propaganda? The show is and always has been built on the premise that America needs a strong protector who would side-step pesky laws and regulations (and torture, kill, and do whatever is necessary to anyone who gets in his way--and it's no accident that it's a HE) to protect us. You know, like Dick Cheney in his wettest dreams.

At least it seems like you’ve come to your senses and you’re no longer supporting this neo-con crap of a show. Right? I hope so, because it’s really one of the only blemishes on your otherwise very good record.

It seems most of the letter, at least the editor's picks, are all urging LW to dump the cheating whore. Why? LW loves his wife, believes she loves him, and is mostly happy. His unhappiness comes from her emotional (and, though he doesn't seem to admit it, physical) affairs. Well, maybe it's not the affairs that are the problem, but his reaction to them and her lying about them. Why not just say, "hey, let's have an open marriage. We're happy and in love, we'll stay that way forever, but we'll each be free to get some on the side." What the hell is so bad about that? It would free LW up from having to be bothered by the stuff she does on the side and it would free her from needing to lie (although she may well thrive on that part, and the act of engaging in the forbidden).

Problem solved. Stay with your wife you love, be in an open marriage, be happy. Or, hire a PI, engage in a nasty divorce, end up alone and miserable--WHY?

I think gay men have figured out ways to make this work that heteros just seem to be unable to grasp (that is, gay men other than Dan Savage, whom I admire and respect and whose humor I love, but who is a pretty conventional monogamist). I think it's because we're locked out of marriage and religions and such, so we've set out to redefine relationships (and many other life structures) from scratch. Face it, heteros, monogamy is NOT natural. It occurs almost never in nature (and in many places we used to think it was common, like in many bird species, DNA testing proves extra-mate copulations are very common).

So LW, accept that you're your wife's PRIMARY love and sex partner, but not her ONLY one. If you can't do that, well, then go for the messy divorce. It seems to me you want all of her, but you're not going to get that. Take some of her, or none of her. Some seems to make you happy (although you need to adjust your expectations). Will none? Will you be better off alone? If yes, go that route. Can you be happy in an open relationship? If yes, seems the way to go.