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saraw1

Published Letters: 2
Editor's Choice: 1

Wednesday, July 9, 2008 05:06 PM

How you look is not the point: being judgmental is.

I am 52 years old, 5'2.5" tall, and my weight fluctuates between 105 and 108 pounds. I have been thin since the age of 24, through 2 normal pregnancies and childbirths, each of which was associated with a 31 lb. weight gain and subsequent 31-lb. weight loss. I am in excellent shape. My 17-year old daughter says, "wow, you have abs, Mom!" I have no stretch marks and at most 1 dimple of cellulite. I am happy with how I look and feel. My life is far from perfect, believe me. But at least I have been spared that particular problem (for now and, I hope, for always). During my last checkup, my doctor described me as "well-nourished." To all you who have looked askance at me, asking if I am thin because I have an eating disorder, I would say "Take a good look at yourself in the mirror--Not at your body, at your soul."

By the way, I have had ample experience with being overweight, yo-you dieting, etc.-- and I liked it not one bit. While I am now a size 2, I was once a size 14--for about 10 years. It took me 2 full years of adherence to the 'old' (AKA Draconian) version of Weight Watchers to get to this weight, and another 10 years to develop even one discernible muscle. I no longer need to diet, because it took me so long to lose weight that my eating habits changed permanently. I eat what I want to, when I want to. I like food...and pay no attention to 'carbs' or any other fad dieting nonsense. I practice moderation because that is what my body likes. It's the same with me for exercise.

I don't judge people who are fat or out-of-shape. So, why should anyone judge me for getting a handle on this one problem, which -- through fervent effort, hunger, frustration, soul-searching and persistence -- I have conquered? It's not like I don't have other problems: I have them in spades. Yet, ever since I stopped being criticized by people for being overweight, I have been criticized by them for looking good. What gives?! My sense is that once the sneering stopped, the jealousy started. There is something wrong here, and it's not something wrong with me.

Being thin and fit is good for people in a broad variety of ways. Overcoming problems is hard. Why not say: "Congratulations. Your example offers hope that anyone of any age can conquer a costly, intractable problem."? I have no idea whether the original writer "feels superior," as one respondent insinuated, but to me the more relevant question is "Why would you assume that?" There are many different body types. What concern to you is the size or shape of another person's body? This, by the way, also applies to people who judge those who are overweight and/or out of shape. Judging other people is not helpful to anyone, least of all yourself. Why waste your time and theirs?

Saturday, February 21, 2009 05:21 PM

Aren't they?

I am a woman who writes about the financial meltdown. I've been writing about economics and psychology, in one way or another, for nearly 20 years.

Yet, I have the distinct impression that nobody is paying attention.

The current economic meltdown is important to all of us, male and female alike. Examining the particular ways in which it affects women is certainly a worthy topic. However, if a woman writes about it as a human issue, she is still a woman writing about the financial meltdown.

Maybe that's part of the problem. Does this mean that if they want to be heard, women should only write about women? I certainly hope not. I'd love to see some evidence to the contrary, but am not exactly holding my breath.

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