And don't waste your money either. In families where parents borrow money from children, I have NEVER seen a child ever get the money paid back.

As a mother myself with two sons ages soon to be 26 and 23, I would be MORTIFIED to ask my sons for financial assistance once, let alone repeatedly. That your parents lack that basic shame speaks volumes.

Second, if they were your children instead of your parents, the answer would be clear: you don't support with your money that which you find morally unacceptable. The kind of bigotry your parents display is morally repugnant. That you managed to issue from their loins is a happy accident.

To my mind, allowing gays to marry is a moral issue, an economic issue, and a public health issue. Despite all of the imperfections of marriage, it does create a more stable environment in which to raise children, long lasting relationships do confer financial advantages, and while it does not eliminate extramarital sex, marriage does cut down on sexually transmitted diseases. Why this should be the purview of those bastions of monogamy such as Larry King, Elizabeth Taylor, Pamela Anderson is beyond my comprehension.

Alternatively, maybe instead of trying to allow government sponsored marriage for gay people we should simply abolish government sponsored marriage (and all the entitlements that issue from that) for heterosexuals. Get government out of the marriage business altogether.

I think Cary is totally off the mark on this. It is actually not legal to pay someone to vote a particular way, and he is out of his mind if he thinks that at this late date your parents are going to change. I don't know what fantasy he just stepped out of, but I think you would be ill-advised to follow his advice.

If you insist on giving your money away, I know of a presidential candidate you might want to invest in, and if you've already reached the limit there, moveon.org needs money for voter registration and getting out the vote.

and I don't have a condition like bipolar disorder to navigate on top of my grief.

First, I think you would be performing a public service to do all that you could to keep these folks behind bars. One year of sobriety is hardly enough time for someone this bent to get themselves bent into a less dangerous form (if that is even possible).

Second (but really first in importance), you need to do something for yourself to get the relief you need. It is so hard to go around feeling so raw and hurt and exhausted, and to not be able to get the rest you need to reverse it, so I am going to suggest that you find a physical activity that helps provide you relief.

I took up crochet when my dad died, and it got me through that initial period of grief. More recently, I took up yoga because my mother and a member of my husband's family drive me straight up a wall. In addition to improving my strength, it has really settled my nerves. One day my husband's car had a bizarre series of electrical problems that had me 50 miles away from home driving a car that had different alarms and horns going off at unexpected times. I made it home without losing my mind, and I credit the yoga class I attended right before going off on this adventure with me not losing it totally.

I don't know that either activity would work for you, but I find it enormously helpful to find activities that engage my body AND my mind, because it forces me to not concentrate on the thing that is bugging me.

I wish you the best, and for what it's worth, I don't think you are weird for being overwhelmed by this. It is overwhelming.

it's hard to pick just three.

As someone who moved a total of 13,500-but-who's-counting miles for a husband's "career," I can tell you that Cary is absolutely correct about you not following your girlfriend to Mexico (or anywhere else for that matter). It will end up (most likely) a waste of time and money, and while you can get more money, once that time is gone, it's gone.

As someone old enough to be your mother, I would be cringing if my child were to set aside his dreams to follow those of someone else's child. There does not, from your description, seem to be any parity or reciprocity in the relationship.

As someone who has had her private writings violated, my mother had to work much harder to get the information than take it off of her own desk. Girlfriend left it there for you to read, and I don't see how a lifetime (or even a few years) of this kind of passive aggressive meanness will benefit you.

Do not allow yourself to be the guy she "settles" for. Be with someone whose enthusiasm for you is the same your enthusiasm for her. My current husband dated women who felt they were "settling" by being with him. I don't know why they felt the way the did. He takes wonderful care of me and my son, so if I settled, what I settled for was a life filled with love.

Please get your stuff in order so that you have a good life. Part of that will be learning why you ended up with someone who does not love you fully.

or stuck in middle school?

I haven't had the time for these kinds of personal dramas since Jimmy Carter was president, but the things you describe are horrifically reminiscent of the lives of the middle schoolers I have taught.

How awful for you that you are permanently enmeshed in the eighth grade.