Sarah, please, do something to put yourself back in the running! Stop making speeches. Write a book (with a ghostwriter, of course) condemning socialism/fascism/unwedmotherism. Make a rogue peace mission to Russia and sit down with Putin, whose rearing head you already recognize. Get pregnant again and swear it was an immaculate conception (at least 20% of the country will believe you).

Do anything to get your numbers up! We simply MUST have you as a player in the 2012 race. The entertainment value alone is priceless.

By the way, where was Orly Taitz in this poll?

I will now use my psychic abilities to predict what videos your URLs link to without even visiting them? Could it be, um, SATAN?

Sorry, ACORN?

Yawn. You Repugnants are helpless without a bogeyman to point, aren't you? Tell you what, you and your ilk keep frittering away your pea-brains on ACORN, Bill Ayers and the NEA and we'll keep trying to do things that are actually GOOD for the country. Because, y'know, liberals actually care about America while conservatives only care about getting back into power.

By the way, Glenn Beck is Paris Hilton without the breasts and the toy dog: famous for being stupid and eminently mockable.

Gov. Mike Huckabee, "Joe the Plumber," U.S. Reps. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., Trent Franks, R-Ariz., Steve King, R-Iowa, Tom McClintock, R-Calif., Dr. Tom Price, R-Ga.

Man, that's a fantastic lineup, but couldn't you add Orly and Caribou Barbie just to complete the In-Fucking-Sane GOP Hat Trick? Some suggestions for other speakers who would fit right in:

- Strom Thurmond's corpse (good name for a band, actually)

- TrAnn Coulter

- David Duke

- Fred Phelps of the Westboro (God Hates Fags) Baptist Church

- The cast of Real Housewives of Atlanta

Most important, who's going to be there to capture what this crowd says for posterity? There's a book in just reproducing the crazy that will flow.

I'm a big alternative healthcare fan, but this whole "detox" the body thing is pseudoscientific crap. I can't believe how many products tout it and how few times people call bullshit on it. Basically, your body already detoxes itself. You sweat out substances like alcohol and your kidneys and liver do the rest. You don't need to dress like a Klondike Bar.

Fuck you.

The working class is a bunch of morons.

Not our fault.

I love money.

Oh, and fuck you again.

"This is another liberal idea, and since we all know that liberals hate progress, money, and capitalism, it must be bad. Never mind that our fat salaries depend on kickbacks and bribes from multi-national corporations who might not be able to continue ass-raping the world into double digit annual growth if 20% of Americans stopped buying their crap. Don't you see, this represent a descent into a world where PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER WITH LESS! The HORROR! The HORROR!"

Stephen, I imagine it IS really tough being a delusional fuckwit whose presence in the otherwise totally awesome "The Usual Suspects" almost ruins that movie for me. At least you get killed with a knife in the neck, which is far more pussy than being shot.

Now go away.

Well, Orly has proved herself to be both delusional and ignorant. She is now fully qualified to run for office as a Republican.

Who's to say we can't be the Menckens of today? I'm a writer and I think it's vital that we spend the next few years exposing the insanity of these people to independents.

My idea is simple: a book that simply reprints the most ignorant, racist, outrageous, treasonous and crazy statements of people on the Right since Obama took office. Printed in their entirety so no one can try the "took me out of context" defense. It would be called "Right In Its Own Words: Crazy %$#@ That the Teabaggers, Birthers, Deathers and Talk-Show Hosts Actually Said." It would come with its own website where people could continue to suggest more material.

Proceeds would go to ACORN. Hee hee.

I'm serious. Who wants to collaborate, Salonistas?

Thanks. That incredible statement didn't register with me at first.

You nailed it. Wow.

Sarah Palin and Carrie Prejean girl-on-girl: every GOP male's mental whacking movie.

Nice to see the Right dealing with pressing matters like a small community organizing group instead of little things like, say, immigration, healthcare reform, sustainability and such. But then why do we need sustainability when the Rapture is around the corner?

The thing is, these people are dangerous, motivated and they appeal to the dangerously reptilian tendency many Americans have to let irrational terror and toxic victimhood, not rationality and maturity, drive their decisions (see Bush, George W.). They could gain Congress back in 2010 if the Left is complacent, which we tend to be. That would be a disaster worse than Bush. Can you imagine Bachmann as Speaker? We might look on 2001-2008 as halcyon days.

Nobody was mocking you for your faith, you self-made martyr twit. You were being ridiculed (and rightfully so) for your homophobic bigotry. But of course, that's what Christianity has become in this country, so perhaps you're right.

Either way, you're eminently mockable. As is the Right.

And next year, two more experts will be back with a book telling us to do the complete opposite. The only consistent thing about parenting advice is the money to be made telling anxious parents that we're doing it wrong.

Yawn.