Letters to the Editor
Retired Military Patriot
Published Letters: 2275 Editor's Choice: 11
-
Two Things Missing
[Read the article: The other mothers]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Two things seem to be missing from this discussion, the benefits of group childcare and the hazards of using work to escape the feelings of inadequate parenting.
Children, especially young children, learn 80-90% from what they see and do and not from what they are told. And that only works well when they feel the consequences of their decisions and decide next time they want a different outcome. Since children feel naturally inadequate because they feel so small and powerless in a world of giants who physically and mentally are so superior, they need peers to feel better about themselves. Because they are more comfortable around peers, that atmosphere is more conducive to learning.
There is no better way to do that than in a childcare classroom with dedicated, trained teachers. It’s time to shed the traditional view that if you can afford a nanny who can devote all her energy to one child, that is the only way to go. Having siblings gives some of the benefits of the classroom childcare experience, but as different as siblings yearn to be, they will not provide the cross section of personalities, backgrounds and myriad of challenges that classrooms provide.
Instead of worrying about her parenting inadequacies when at a playground watching nannies, Lucy Kalin should realize what wonderful learning happens at a playground for kids. As a childcare teacher, just through teaching risk taking at a playground, I have changed a frightened, socially inadequate boy into a positive, life loving, caring classmate. What he learned about himself was not nearly as significant as what he learned and continues to learn from his classmates. Just from the standpoint of mathematics, the amount of learning is exponentially greater in a classroom than a home.
As a 65-year-old male who helped raise three sons and who had a very demanding job in a 28-year Air Force career, I know how inadequate I felt as a parent and how easy it was to escape those feelings through long hours on the job. When you are wealthy (I’m not talking about the military) through job success and can afford a talented, experienced nanny, the escape becomes way too seductive. The primary reason that males have escaped far too many parental and home responsibilities is this flight from inadequacy.
Our belief that a dog groomer needs 242 hours of training to be certified and raising a child requires only conception is so off kilter that we continue to ignore something so incredibly obvious. Think what would happen if we decided to ease this parental inadequacy escape by requiring two thousand hours of parenting training, and that might not be enough, and that when a parent failed through thorough testing and spot checks to prove their professionalism, the certification and child would be withdrawn.
Since that approach contains either too much facetiousness or practicality (you chose) to be implemented, then parents need to recognize their inadequacies, as I finally did, and face them head-on. Nanny or no nanny, our children need us because nothing replaces an attentive, in-the-present parent who loves learning on the job and sends their child to a peer classroom so the child can do the same.
-
Thoughts from a recovering racist
[Read the article: The NAACP's sad decline]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Thrasher
As a recovering racist raised in North Dakota, I agree with you that there is far too much decay and continued underdevelopment in poor black communities, but forcing Gordon out will add to the tragedy not alleviate it. Black leaders like Gordon and Bill Cosby are asking you to stop falling victim to racists who want to keep things the way they are and help you understand that is up to you, not the “man” to bring about real change.
When you remain trapped as a victim, your belief in yourself and ability to solve very real problems is hampered. The energy spent thrashing the “man,” by either you or board members of the NAACP, dissipates the energy needed to create the society you so much deserve.
All Americans should be forever grateful for what the NAACP accomplished in the past. Without a new vision for the future like the one Gordon wanted to create, the NAACP will sadly be relegated to the past. When I watch black leaders in gatherings like those organized by Tavis Smiley, invariably, one leader talking about the troubled youth problem and how much of the behavior could be prevented if children were smacked by their mama like they were when they misbehaved as a child, there are always many loud shouts of approval. Myopic views like that of teaching children to use violence to solve problems by hitting them, only perpetuates the “eye for an eye” philosophy that results in useless deaths, damaged psyches and delayed progress. It illustrates that even very intelligent, decisive leaders can short side themselves and their community because of the pervasiveness of racism and victimization.
The “man” who taught blacks such savagery through slavery wants you Thrasher to keep practicing what he taught so that you will not be able to reach your dreams. In no way can I ever understand what it is like for you to face the racism that you face every day. I owe it to you to make my feeble attempt to urge you to stop being a victim because I am ashamed of the racism I was taught as a child and have tried, since a young sergeant from the projects in Chicago convinced me of my racism, to do what I can to make amends.