For those wondering if it was really date rape, or if the LW should just accept that she deserved to be raped because she got drunk, a simple thing for you to remember:

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING STUPID DOES NOT NOT NOT MEAN THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS A RIGHT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM.

Yes, I'm yelling.

And yes, having sex with someone who's puking drunk is wrong. And icky. Who wants to have sex with someone who's passing in and out of consciousness? Sounds like a real fun time to me. *eye roll*

Sure, it can be argued that the LW shouldn't have gotten so drunk with her rapist around. Thing is, I've also gotten puking, falling down, passing out drunk with a couple of guys. I wasn't raped. Why? Because the guys I was with weren't rapists. Hell, one of them was even a very recent ex, whom I desperately wanted to date again.

Or in other words, good people don't take advantage of others just because that other person has done something stupid. Ergo, the LW's rapist is not a good person.

It changes things, because in gay marriage states, the marriage certificates now say "Partner A and Partner B", instead of husband and wife -- I didn't get married to be downgraded to "Partner A or B".

Oh no! Your civil marriage will have language similar to that of other legal contracts! Get me a fainting couch and my pearls! Ohhh, the humanity!

Gimme a freaking break. Marriages, as viewed by the state, are legal contracts. You want the spiritual stuff, the before God and witnesses stuff, that's what a church is for.

That you think your marriage is diminished by the state no longer discriminating in who it allows to enter into civil, legal contracts says a hell of a lot about you, none of it complimentary.

LW, there are two really important questions for you to answer before you even think of getting married to this guy.

First, whose side is he on? If push comes to shove between you and his parents, will he back you up as his family?

Second, whose side are you on? If push comes to shove between him and your parents, will you back him up as your family?

The answer had better be yes, on both counts, before you walk down the aisle. And don't even think about having kids until you've talked about how you want to raise them (as you seem to come from disparate backgrounds) and how you want to handle the inevitable disapproval from one or both sets of grandparents.

And it's perfectly fine for married people to not sleep under the same roof, to even take trip without each other! Marriage does not mean that you're joined at the hip forever and ever and ever, doomed to never have separate interests or a weekend apart. So, let your BF know that, while you respect his parents, they drive you a little bonkers. Spend 50% of your *joint* time with them, and 50% of your *joint* time with your folks. Then, separate and spend the rest of your vacation with your own families.

(Enjoy having vacations while your in school--the whole vacation thing become much less complicated when you only have 2 weeks of vacation to cover all the holidays, if you're lucky.)

Dear LW:

I understand. I've fallen into the abyss, where getting up in the morning takes more effort than running a mile; where eating seems like too much to bother with; where I question the sanity of anyone who seems to value me; where all I really want to do is curl up in a ball and never wake up again. I've fantasized about ending it, about just not existing tomorrow.

It's a dark and lonely place, isn't it? And I don't know that anyone who escapes it ever quite leaves the shadow of it behind. Getting out can seem like groping through a maze in the dark.

But it can be done. It's a long, hard slog, full of setbacks and moments of light, of the pull of depression versus the human desire to stop feeling pain. It's solitary, 'cuz even though loved ones can try to support you, all the hard work is yours alone.

I don't have any words of real wisdom to share with you. Just that, for now, hold your brother close to your heart. Live for him, at least for now. Take a small step today towards getting help. Practice saying to your mirror, "I need help." Practice until you can say it without your eyes welling up, until your throat no longer closes. Pick up the phone and call your doctor, or your brother, or a friend, or someone else you can utter those words to. And then, let them help.

And to some of the posters: Your sharing of your experiences and your words of support to this LW have left me in tears.

This happened a couple of summers ago in a town near mine. The poor woman didn't know that anything was wrong until she went to the daycare center to pick up her child.

The reactions were typical, a few empathetic ones with many, many more condemning the woman as a horrible, terrible person.

I think it's a self-defense mechanism--if you vilify the other person, make them as stark a contrast from yourself, then somehow you can believe that you would never make such a mistake.

Fortunately, the district attorney declined to prosecute her. The gist of his statements was that she had suffered, and would continue to suffer, enough without legal penalties for a tragic error.