Joining the chorus of Don't Do It!

The biggest clue--you write that he'd be going out on Friday nights with his friends, leaving you to watch his son. And when, pray tell, will he stay at home so you can go out with your friends?

You're obviously (and wisely) not ready to become the surrogate mother for a special needs child. However, your boyfriend is embarking upon a career as a lawyer, a field notorious for long working hours and little time to spend with family. Your instincts are right--you will end up playing the mother and wife for this guy and his son.

Don't move in. No matter what he says, no matter what promises he might make, don't do it. You're too young to be roped into such a situation, especially with your lukewarm feelings towards the child. Don't do it.

Okay, some of these letters are grating on my last nerve.

The LW is not a horrible person because she does not want kids at this point (if ever). The LW is not a horrible person because she does not like this particular kid. The LW is not a horrible person because she doesn't like playing games with a kid who cheats. The LW is not a horrible person because she doesn't want to have to eat "kid food" most of the week.

The LW has no obligation to be a mother, and certainly has no obligation to be a de facto stepmother to this particular child.

That said, I do question why the LW is still with her boyfriend, much less on the verge of moving in with him, when it's obvious that she does not want to take the child as part of the package deal. Frankly, I also question why the older, supposedly more mature boyfriend is still with this young LW, who obviously doesn't want kids at this point.

LW, if you're still reading: Make a note of this for the future. If you don't want kids at this point in your life, don't date men with children. They're a package deal, and you can't just lop off the child and keep the man.

Colt (and possibly others)-

Wait just a second, here. Why can't we look at the boyfriend? It's not like the LW is in a relationship all by herself.

It's hardly "man-hating" to point out that he stands to gain the most out of this situation, or that he doesn't seem to understand the impact on his son of moving in the young girlfriend who's ambivalent towards said son. The boyfriend also has had (and exercised) the option to continue a relationship with a woman who doesn't like his kid. It takes two to tango, and from the LW's reluctance to move in, I'd wager big that it was the boyfriend's idea to play house without thinking through the consequences.

Frankly, I can't believe some of the hostility being shown to the LW. It's not like she's already moved in with the kid dependent upon her and is looking for a way out. It's not like she's already taken on this responsibility. She's looking for a reason and way to avoid doing something she knows she's not prepared to handle.

Get that? She knows she's not ready for this, and she wants to back off, so what's your problem?

Really, I do. I work in a northern city and have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and one of its primary effects on me is to wreak havoc with my sleep schedule. I'm a night owl by nature anyway, so this whole hibernation thing my body wants to do is incredibly bad for getting up for an 8:00 A.M. start time. It's taken time to learn how to manage it--my first job out of college was a disaster because I didn't know how to manage my SAD.

But the thing is, LW, based on the rest of your letter, I don't think you want to manage your sleep schedule. I don't know what your particular problem is, but you don't get a get out of jail free card just because your after-work pursuits are artistic.

It's a serendipitous thing when a person actually likes what they do for a living, but for most of us, we have to see our jobs as a means to an end. I hate mine, but it's the only way I can pay off my debt, get some savings, and be able to go to grad school without completely screwing myself over financially.

(And for the peanut gallery, I'm still not the perfect punctual employee. I'm 15-30 minutes late in the winter, but I stay late and/or take short lunches, and in essence try to be a good employee, which I doubt the LW is making an effort to be.)

Seriously, he cut off your joint credit card while you were travelling? He called 30 times in a row and then screamed at you so loudly that other people could hear him? Now he won't speak to you for days at a time, both before and after your trips? He's gone beyond the realm of jealous and into the realm of batsh*t crazy. Re-read your letter. What would you tell your sister if she had written it?

If it's worth it to you to try to save the marriage, I'd suggest an ultimatum: counseling, both together and individual (for him) and he stops being an irrational bully about your travelling. If he refuses, or if his behavior does not change, then leave.

Honestly, I don't know that I'd make the effort. I think you best bet is to listen to those posters who have survived abusive relationships--protect your assets and head for the hills.