To add my voice to the chorus, LW, you need to break off all contact with your ex. I know, I know. You don't want to; you may even be afraid to. Deep down, you think that if he just knew how much you really truly loved him, he'd come back to you. I know that right now, keeping him as a "friend" seems more bearable than cutting him out of your life completely.

But the thing is, you're not over him; you have not moved on. You both know it, and so will his new girlfriend, and this knowledge will poison any attempts you make at friendship. (Not to mention making it so much harder for you to stop feeling awful because of the breakup.)

I've been in your shoes. I dated a friend, for not so long, but long enough for me to fall for him. We tried to "stay friends" for half a year, but in the end, he cut off all contact. It hurt like a sonofabitch, but he was right to do it--it was the only way my 20-year-old self would move on. Which I did, eventually, but without much grace or dignity. (Thinking about my behavior at that time still makes me blush with shame.)

LW, you said you wanted to "be the bigger person." Then do so, by leaving your ex to live his life. And in the meantime, go live your own.

Anon, we're not telling LW, or anyone, to give up on a relationship where both parties are in love but just in tough circumstances. What we see in this letter is not that situation. He is clearly over her, and she is painfully not over him.

From what I've read, most of us here have been where the LW is, and feel for her. We advise her to cut him out of her life and move on because we wish to spare her the mistakes and agonies we watch her make through this letter, mistakes and agonies that we have made and learned from. Clinging to a relationship that is obviously over (and her ex has sent unmistakable signals that it is over) only prolongs the heartache, and attempting "friendship" in that situation only causes the wound to fester instead of heal. Hope born of self-delusion is a cruel thing.

And if none of the above moves you, perhaps ponder exactly how good a "friend" the LW can be while harboring secret loves and hopes that her ex will come back to her? How can she possibly support him as he moves on when she has not and wishes that he had not either?

While Cary's advice is probably useful when boiled down, I think he focused too much on the art, and too little on her jealousy of her sister. Which, speaking as someone who was jealous for years of my sister's talent and popularity, is important to focus on as well.

My advice is to ask yourself, first, what your sister admires about you. If you're stuck, talk to your sister. Tell her that you're feeling down, and you really need to hear something positive about yourself. You may not have her gift for design, but you do have something, perhaps something completely unrelated, that she wishes she could do or be. Write those qualities somewhere where you can access them when the denigrating voices grow too loud, or ask your husband to remind you of them.

And do continue therapy. If cognitive-behavioral doesn't work for you, find something that does.

As has been noted, the Midwest is not a homogeneous clump of people, so before you pack up and move anywhere, do research and visit. Visit in all types of weather, in all seasons. Talk to people who live in the state/city, and talk to those who fled it. "Cozy and close-knit" to one person can very well translate into "stifling and close-minded" to another, and you will need to find out where you fit on that sliding scale. Figure out if you want to live in one of the larger cities, or if you can stand to be the "new neighbors" for twenty years in a small town. (The book "How to Talk Minnesotan" has a hilarious chapter on this phenomenon.)

One thing to be aware of is this: Winter does not just mean a new wardrobe, cold temperatures, and snow. It also means a significant reduction in the number of daylight hours. I live in ND (technically a Plains state, but usually lumped with the "Midwest"), and in December, the sun rises at about 7am. It sets about 5pm. That's 14 hours a day of darkness.

If you do move, make sure you take some kind of class to prep you for winter driving. The last thing you need is to be stuck without a car in the winter because you got into an accident in the first snowstorm.