Why are so many people--men, mostly--assuming that she lied to her husband when she told him about the pregnancy? Or is the mere fact that there were two possible fathers means that she's a slutty mcslut slut and therefore a liar? (Oh, suuuure it's not about how many men she slept with; you're just convinced that she's a liar because of it).

Or do you mean by not telling her daughter that she's not 100% certain that the man who raised her is her biological sperm donor that LW has committed some heinous offense? Would you seriously tell your child that? Really?

We don't know what she told her husband at the time. We don't know if she had good reason to believe that now-hubbie was the father. We don't know what she did nor did not tell him about her daughter's possible parentage. Perhaps he was hesitant to get hitched *because* he knew that some other guy might be the father? Or you all could be right, and she's either a stupid or conniving woman who trapped a poor, poor dude into 19 years of marriage and fatherhood.

(Additionally, stop the goddamn whining about child support. Sure, it sucks, especially if the child isn't biologically yours. But child support doesn't come close to covering half of the financial costs of raising a child, and does absolutely nothing for a single mother who has to shoulder the burden of parenting by herself. Take some frakking responsibility for your own reproduction and wrap it, clip it, or keep it in your pants.)

Plus, you have situations like the one in my town. There are two major medical providers (both private, both non-religious), and both of them contractually require that their physicians do not perform abortions. Which means, despite the fact that my city is the biggest in the state, with the most medical providers concentrated here, that the local abortion clinic still has to fly in doctors to perform abortions.

I don't know if such contract provisions are common in private hospitals or not, but there's another reason for the drop in providers. If you can't work for the medical networks in your region, and you don't have the funds to set up your own, out-of-network clinic, well, you're not going to be performing abortions if you want to work and pay off your massive student loan debts.

LW, you seriously need to detach. You've managed to embroil yourself in the politics and drama of your in-laws, and it's crazy-making. Detach. Limit your visits. Do not allow them in your house (or garage) without permission, and lock your doors, if your BIL is a thief. Take a step back. Support your husband when the family dysfunction makes him crazy, but Do. Not. Engage.

You don't say if you've involved yourself in the politics, or if you're just allowing them to make yourself crazy while (wisely) shutting your mouth. Either way, put some sort of mental/emotional barrier between yourself and the in-laws that drive you nuts. Envision them as an anthropology project--observe and listen and really try to understand the undercurrents. But. Do. Not. Engage. Not verbally, not emotionally. They are a research project. They're a drama you watch, not one that you participate in.

In the meantime, you have gotten another job, right? You do have other friends in the area that you depend on for a support network, right? You and your husband have a plan and a timeline about this whole moving thing, right? You both are looking for jobs in Colorado, right?

Because if you don't have a job, if you have no savings, if you have no plan for putting your in-laws at a physical distance, then all you're doing is creating more drama for yourself and your husband. Which is cool if that's the kind of shit you like, but if you're telling the truth and it really does drive you crazy, then you're being counterproductive.

LW, I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say that I think I know how you feel, and I'm grateful that you wrote. Money is the root of all evil, and I don't know that it's any better when it takes the form of a silken trap.

LW, you fucked up and you are fucked up. You're so jealous of your girlfriend's past, so upset that she was a complete person with sex and love before she even met you, that you destroyed her stuff. And I bet that if you could, you'd destroy her memories, too.

Your girlfriend isn't like a character in a book, where the she only came into being at the point in time at which you interacted with her. She had a life before you. That life, her history, made her who she is today.

Hell yes, she is going to be pissed off when she finds out. Not because she hasn't "moved on," but because those mementos meant something to her--they're a record of her personal history, a reminder of things she's experienced and learned, something that tells her who she was at a certain point. And you, you selfish, jealous, insecure jerk, you threw those things away because you can't handle the fact that she is a person who has a past. Like every other fucking person you're going to meet.

You might, maybe, if you get your ass to a therapist ASAP, be able to salvage your relationship if you tell her. But with such a huge violation of trust and boundaries, I hope your girlfriend has the good sense to dump your sorry ass.