LW, you earned the famous reward of eavesdroppers: You found out what you didn't want to know and heard what was never intended for you to hear. Of course your wife doesn't miss you as much as you miss her--she's traveling! You don't say how far into her trip she is, but I'd make a good guess that she'll miss you before it's time to come home.

You know, I've been married for three years, and I'd still be upset if my husband snooped through my email. It's my personal thing, and he shouldn't be snooping around in there. I give him the same privacy. I don't want to snoop around in his email, either, because it's his personal thing. Not that we're cheating or hiding things or having secrets--just that it's personal.

Maybe it's an introvert/extrovert thing. My spouse and I are both pretty strongly introverted, so we value our personal space and privacy, even from one another. And part of that, frankly, is being able to admit to someone else when we're having feelings or thoughts that we don't want to hurt the other--the same way we say things to each other about other people that would hurt that other person.

@ JugsSouthgate:

Yes, the wife gave LW her password. We're not told when--I've given DH mine when I've needed him to log on and check something when I don't have access. (Okay, usually when I've lost my directions and I don't know where I'm going.) I still would be upset if he logged on without my permission and then got his panties in a twist over something he snooped to find.

DH has not given me his password to his email account specifically. However, he has given me passwords to a couple other things, so I could probably make a good guess about what his email password is.

Most people don't put their diaries into locked safes. Does that make it okay for their spouse to read it?

When you give the hubby your password for a specific reason, it's clear you're setting limits. But if you just gave it to him with no clear explanation of what's OK and what's not OK, how is he supposed to know what is snooping and what isn't?

This is just my take on it. Things that would affect him or us (notification of bank statements, note from my mother about when she'll be in town) are things that he'd be okay to look at. Emails between my best girlfriend and me are probably not, even if we're just talking about the same banal, everyday things that we'd talk about if he were in the room. And definitely not a chat log.

However, because human curiosity is a powerful, powerful thing, I think it's just better all around if couples have a blanket policy of not looking at each others' email accounts without explicit permission.

And it's also probably best if people don't have their accounts set up to automatically log chat conversations.

I sympathize. We have a couple college girls living above us, and except for a party their first night in, they were usually pretty good.

Except once graduation happened, they began to have parties. I couldn't usually hear voices or music or the TV; it was just the constant tromp tromp tromp of feet--over to the bathroom with tile floor; back to the kitchen with tile floor, down the hallway, out on the patio. It sounded like a herd of elephants had moved in and it drove me up a wall. They broke out a blender at 2am one night, which you wouldn't think would carry though a floor, but oh it did.

I asked them to be quiet a couple of times, but eventually took it to my landlord. I did feel bad, since they weren't being loud in the classic sense of music thumping, but I just couldn't take the constant, irregular drumbeat of feet above me at all hours of the night.

Fortunately, they really are nice neighbors, so the parties have ceased, for now. I'm rather tempted to bring them a plate of cookies and a thank you note.

LW, I've been on both sides of the fence.

I "dated" a guy, and fell head over heels for him--but he didn't want anything serious, so he broke it off and eventually cut off all contact. I did not handle it well. Fortunately, this was in the dark time before Facebook and MySpace, so I merely humiliated myself sending daily pathetic emails that I still blush over almost a decade later.

Once I accepted that everything--absolutely everything--was over, it made the getting over it easier. How can you get over it when you're constantly reopening the wounds by allowing yourself to hope?

The sad truth is, no matter what books and movies and music say, one person's love--your love, LW--will never be enough to "make" someone else love you back.

Now, I've also been the one who's been forced to cut off contact. And seriously, dude, you can't possibly believe that after breaking her heart into a million tiny pieces a year ago, she'd happily take you back after she's done the hard work of forging out a new life for herself.

And now you want to believe that she's sending you messages over Facebook to contact her. Why? If she really wanted to talk to you, she'd just talk to you. There are no subtle signals here. There is no second chance after you fucked up so monstrously. The end happened when you chose your corporate career over your girlfriend.

So, follow Cary's advice in every particular but one: DO NOT WRITE HER. No letters, no emails. Don't stalk her on Facebook or Google. Every time she comes to mind, try to switch the subject. Stop wallowing. Stop stalking. Get your own life, and stop worrying about hers.