Hmm, 15 years ago, LW, you could have been my father, who also decided to cheat on my mother with a close family friend, whose child we babysat (and I still wonder sometimes if that child might not be my half-brother).

Dad didn't confess so much as have Mom inevitably find out and blow up. I'm pretty sure that the only reason they stayed together, at least at first, was for us kids.

Yes, my folks stayed together, and made it work. But let me tell you, this happy ending you envision was no picnic. My mother wasn't just furious in the immediate aftermath--it was months of fury, compounded by the history that would surface, Dad's abortive attempt to have it all once more (i.e., wife and lover). This was followed by a couple of years of mistrust and subdued anger on Mom's part, and depression on Dad's. I don't know (nor do I want to know) what all took place between them to eventually make their marriage work again. I do know that Dad got therapy. I do know that Dad probably had to live with distrust for years.

Or in otherwords, it was bad, and required a lot of work. And it was bad not just for them.

We kids were terrified and angry, and I at least didn't understand at the time that you could be full of anger and bad feelings at someone you loved. As the oldest, when the parents were fighting, I took my siblings out of the house and tried to entertain them elsewhere, or comfort them when they cried. We didn't trust Dad, either. We felt betrayed by him, too. Because we were children, we forgave and trusted Dad a lot sooner than Mom did. That said, even after 15 years, when I hear about a strange event, I still suspect him of carrying on an affair.

You screwed up but good, LW, and no amount of blaming your "demons" is going to make things better. You want your family back? You are going to have to work for it, with the understanding that there is absolutely no guarantee that it will happen. Not everyone is as forgiving (or young, or naive) as my mother was. So start looking at yourself, and fixing yourself. Only way to have a chance at what you want, or, if your wife sensibly kicks your sorry ass to the curb and never looks back, not messing it up again if you find another woman you love.

I admit, I'm not that much older than the LW, but boy, she does sound young!

LW, of course you're sad. You were dumped. It's normal. It does not, under any circumstances, mean that your relationship with your former live-in boyfriend was going anywhere. I mean, just read your letter. You two were miserable together.

You admit that the attention from your just returned from China going to med school ex, especially his regret for treating you like crap, was heady. Now admit that you used your med school ex as a way to break up with your live-in ex, without having to admit that you wanted to break up with him. That you're now ducking phone calls from the med school ex should tell you that.

You're starting grad school soon. Now is the perfect time to take a step back and just figure yourself out, before you plunge into a relationship with either of your exes, or even with someone new. Figure out what you want, from yourself, from your life, and from your romantic partners. Figure out how to be alone.

I'm another introvert who will usually happily spend time doing my own thing if a friend doesn't call.

However, I don't get that sort of vibe from the LW. S/he doesn't say anything along the lines of "but I'm really introverted and just need a lot of time to myself." S/he doesn't say, "but I'm really disorganized and my friend always wants stuff planned a week in advance." I just don't think that the LW cares that much about the friend, and the only reason they're upset is because the friend has made them face up to this fact.

LW, even us introverts will make contact with the friends that we care about. Email and texts and social networking sites, maybe, more than a phone call, and with less frequency than our more extroverted friends contact us, but we'll contact those we value. I had a friend who, after graduating college, pretty much dropped off the face of the earth. It is painful when you are the only one who ever makes an effort to maintain the friendship.

So, fish, or cut bait. Either you consider your friend worth the effort of making an occasional call or email, or you don't. Face up to it.