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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
pilar608
Published Letters: 89 Editor's Choice: 6
I had compassion for the father, for the kids playing soccer. And then I read the letters in response, and my compassion has drained away.
The letters following this article are the best argument I've ever seen for the rapid development of alternative energy sources so the U.S. can get its unwelcome nose out of the Middle East, and let them do to each other what they will. Israeli, Palestinian, Shia, Sunni--let them blow each other to smithereens. I'm all out of patience with every single one of them. I'm out of patience for the suffering of others being used as a reason to kill more people, to create more suffering. At least a child exploited for a fundraiser for a children's hospital is exploited with the goal of reducing suffering; both sides, both Israeli and Palestinians exploit the suffering of their people to kill.
If it were possible, I'd separate the people on both sides into two categories: those who want to live in peace, and those who want to fight for Their Cause. Those who wanted to fight would be sent to some isolated, walled off place where they could kill each other for all eternity, leaving the rest to get on with life.
And please, don't start whining like six-year-olds over who started what, who hit whom harder, who disobeyed which rules. If only there were a way to turn the car around and go back home.
To chime in, I heartily agree with those suggesting a therapist for the poor daughter, as well as a united front with your ex reassuring her of both of your love and support.
In addition to that, though, is there a family friend--preferably one who hasn't chosen "sides"--that she can spend some time with? Someone she knows and loves? Someone she can talk to about the divorce, without having to tiptoe around her parents' feelings (or her perceptions thereof)? Someone who can just *listen* to her?
She needs all the love and support she can get, and that's before you add on that "Daddy" is going to become "Mommy."
Oh for Pete's sake, can we can the Freud crap already? There's enough human drama going on in the LW's family without dragging in the theories of a misogynistic old gasbag. Is there a creditable, practicing therapist who even uses Freud's theories as a basis any more?
Ahem.
LW, it's not your job to tell the rest of your family. It is, however, perfectly within your purview to tell your sister that the details of her affair make you uncomfortable, and you won't listen to them anymore. And then (most importantly), don't listen to them anymore.
It's completely all right for you to express your concern for her wellbeing--dating a string of losers and ultimately unavailable men would indicate that there's something going on for which she may need professional help.
"He just spent a hundred and twenty dollars on a new night gown for his wife. I don't think he's ever going to leave her." "No one thinks he's ever going to leave her." "You're right, you're right, I know you're right."
LW, no matter you choose, it sounds like your marriage has already hit that land mine. Get the abortion, and your husband will resent you. Have the kid, and you will resent your husband. Either way, unless you're both committed to do some serious work, your marriage doesn't sound like it will be happy or long-lasting. And even then, success is not guaranteed.
Look, sit down with a friend or a therapist or a spiritual leader and talk over what you want, what the likely outcomes are, and which of them seems best for you and your twins (though make sure that your friend doesn't have a knee-jerk response on abortion). We're strangers here, talking apart the sentences in your letter. How can we possibly tell you which road to take?
I do think, though, that there are a few questions you should grapple with, preferably sooner rather than later. Why did you let yourself get talked out of having your tubes tied and/or having a hysterectomy? What do you mean that you and your husband were still "discussing" having a child, and if you are sure that you don't want another one, why was this even being discussed after 8 years? Were you using birth control, and if not, why not?
I have my own theories on the matter, but I don't know you. Good luck, LW, 'cuz God knows you'll need it.
Oh, do I empathize with the lw who talked about "selling down." Yeah, I graduated a few years ago just shy of cum laude with a liberal arts degree with two majors. Yep, I volunteered for a year with Americorps, running an afterschool program (the whole thing, from grants to kids to admin) with another person. What do I do now? I'm someone's assistant, and I work part-time as a ticket agent with whatever company replaced the union workers at the airline.
I hate it, every minute. But I get healthcare from the assistant job, and the airline job lets me pay off the massive credit card debt I accumulated through a combination of stupidity (college), hard times, and unemployment.
Fortunately for me, my student loans were very low. I also have a spouse and no television, so in two years, all my high-interest debt will be paid off, and within a year we should be able to start saving. In five, I should be able to look at changing careers (if you can even call this a career) or going back to school. I'll only be 31, with about 45-50 more years to live.
Of course, working 13 hours a day and 8 on weekends, it's hard to remember that there's light at the end of the tunnel, forget about having the energy to do activism.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
