Letters to the Editor
Lestat1
Published Letters: 401 Editor's Choice: 18
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Dear Letter Writer
[Read the article: I left an abusive marriage, and now I'm in love with a thief]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've seen a couple of your responses and what I sense in them is desperation. This guy can't be bad, I need him. It's hard to find a good man so even though I don't trust him, I still think I should see him. I need a really good reason to kick someone to the curb. Eh, wrong answer darlin'. There is always a good reason to kick someone to the curb. You got away from abuse, it is okay for you to be very very picky. I can practically see the internal process going on in you, your gut screams run, run! the other part of you makes excuses, justifications, bargaining, wait and see, maybe I'm being overly cautious because of my past and blah blah blah.
Stop it, stop it right now.
What you need is a person with very, very firm boundaries that encompass honesty, loyalty, empathy, compassion and what's right is right. We've all made mistakes but very few of us have ripped off a defenseless relative. If he was well past 21 when he stole that money, it's not a good sign. His morals and boundaries were all fully developed by then. You need to surround yourself with better than average people, not "better than being lonely" people. It is better to learn to be happy alone and safe while you choose your friends and lovers carefully. That's key, you have to choose them, you can't be passive when people are attracted to you in either a friendly or romantic way.
It is indeed hard to find a good man who hasn't already been snatched up by some lucky gal. It is indeed hard to learn how to be without a lover. But when you are happy and content when alone, you can go years without a lover if the ones you date don't meet your standards. If you feel like you can't be alone, you will be more prone on staying with someone who may not be good for you.
You have to come to grips with the fact that after your abusive husband hit or screamed names at you to pummel your self esteem for the very first time, you did not leave, immediately and permanently, instead, you married him.
You have considered letting someone move into your home that you think you need a safe for. Now, having a fireproof lockbox is a good idea in case of flood, fire, natural disaster or break in. But you shouldn't feel the need to obtain one to protect your finances from someone you are sleeping with and thinking of welcoming into your home. That is big honey, you can't ignore it. You can't shush it away and tell your lover to stop telling you things you don't like to hear.
Sorry, hon, I know you want to hang on to him, that everything else seems just right, if it just wasn't for X. Here is something you need to learn, you have to love the flaws as much as the positives, if someones flaws aren't kinda loveable or tolerable, it is time to head for the exit. If you can't trust him absolutely with your life, with your money, then he is not a good candidate for a long term relationship no matter how much you don't want to be romantically alone or how limited your options are.
It is the strength of being alone you need to find, it will allow you to wade through the many abusers, manipulators, cheats you will encounter and allow you to discard them easily. You need to find the ability to pick up and drop people the second they do something out of the bounds of normal, because you are more prone to attract those that would harm you.
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Gyms, bars, ect.
[Read the article: Las Vegas gym case tests "Ladies Night law" ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Well, for one thing. Gyms have all kinds of different deals at different times, like I joined my gym when it was offering membership while waiving all the membership fees, so I just pay my monthly fee. So they may be able to get a pass, but basically I don't agree with charging different rates for the same services simply because of a difference in genitals.
But dry cleaners, hair dressers, tailors and seamstresses have all come up with justifications as to why they can charge women more for the same service, because they claim the service requires more of them. Women have longer thicker hair, women have fancier fabrics and designs that need more care.
I don't think a gym can really say the same.
Though I do understand women only gyms, when it comes to cardio equipment I never have a problem. But I swear I get the dirtiest looks from men when I use the weights for chests and arms, like you're a girl, how dare you want to use the same equipment I do. In my gym, there is a weight room that I have stopped entering because I was tired of being the only woman in there and getting funny looks and sighs when they are waiting to use the machine I'm on.