Letters to the Editor

• Wow, I read the letter and applauded Cary's response!

  [Read the article: My girlfriend's stepfather is a real a-hole ... and a dying man]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  Wow this letter and the supposed follow up letter were just the epitomy of self centeredness, all about what he wants. He wants to get ingratiated with the family, but that damn dying old man won't be nice to him! Not one concrete reason why this dad is an asshole beyong he only says hello once in a while and generally ignores you. There needs to be more than ignoring social niceties to be labled asshole.

  I don't know what you think, but many many people don't include someone they've been dating for 3 months into family events or the family life. Bringing a date home to meet mom and dad is usually a big deal and it's just by happenstance that you met her family at all because she lives with them. If she didn't live with her family would you be bitching that her roommates don't spend all their time trying to get to know you?

  So dude I don't know what your problem is, but it is not that this dying man who's waiting for a new heart isn't all gracious and chatty with you and really doesn't care that you exist. Gee it couldn't be that he's resentful that some guy who he doesn't know is coming into his home and trying to make small talk when he's dying. He couldn't be slightly resentful that in his last moments of life, in his weakened state some young buck is coming in making demands on his time and insisting on some sort of pat on the back for rescuing his daughter from a life in Florida.

  Were you seriously expecting a thank you? Do you seriously thing that she would have up and moved if it hadn't been for you oh shining knight in armor? Perhaps you think you weild much more influence that in reality, she realized that she didn't like Florida dude enough to leave her family, business and you were just a oh, there are other man besides Florida no-goodnick.

  So dude, I dare ya, write back with exactly how this man with heart failure is neglecting to treat you hospitably and why this makes him an asshole. Because all your second letter was, was a big ass whine fest equal to that of a teenager who's just been told something about themselves that they don't like and who's only retort is but you don't know me!!!! Of course we don't know you, you don't know Florida man either but you feel confident calling him names. All we know is that this family is dealing with a major life changing event and all you can think about is yourself, how you want to be a part of this family and he's not letting you or something and that your girlfriend isn't insisting he play nice with you and so that makes you pissed at her. Also, I agree with another poster, you are engaging in emotional blackmail, well darling if you won't make your dying daddy be nice to me and make small talk and engage in social ettiquite, well then I'm not picking you up at home, do you stomp your feet and pout like a 5 yr old too?

  Have you proposed? If not, then all you are is some guy their kid is dating, this does not give you all access to family life.

  Permalink Tuesday, May 29, 2007 03:02 PM

• Hey life/dating lesson time here

  [Read the article: It has been 10 months and he still won't say "I love you"]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  So lady, you love this guy and would like for him at least once to tell you he loves you. He won't do so, either he doesn't love you or the words hold such potence or magical sacred qualities for him that he will refuse to say that to anyone who doesn't become his wife. Anyway, I disagree with Cary, I don't think it matters what "I love you" means to your boyfriend, it's what it means to you that matters and here is the important life lesson: you cannot cry, cajole or coerce someone into being the person you want them to be. When crying or something you are either going to be lied too or get what you got, an answer that did not soothe you. You cannot decide a relationship is great with the mantra he'd be perfect only if....

  If you need to hear I love you once in a while, then that's what YOU need and BF isn't willing to give it to you, it doesn't really matter what his reasons are. His reasons won't make your needs evaporate.

  So it's time for you to make a choice, you can either decide to leave him because he won't say he loves you and you need that verbal reciprocation to be happy; or you can decide that he is worth keeping even though he'll never say I love you and you can be happy never hearing it. If so, never ever ask him why he won't say it, just accept that he'll never say it. Don't stay with him hoping that if you just keep quiet about it one day he'll surprise you, because you'll most likely be let down.

  Part of dating is looking at a person and realizing who they are today, is probably who they will always be. Don't hope they'll change, don't hope they'll give you what you want or at least don't wait forever for it. If they don't meet your basic needs then beg off and find a new person to try out. All relationships are tradeoffs and compromises and you just have to decide what's most important to you and if verbal declarations are something you know you need to be happy, then find a new boy who feels the same way you do.

  Permalink Monday, June 4, 2007 05:30 PM