I was surveilled for almost two years--I could detect the characteristic noises on my cell phone during most calls, interestingly, and was also on a TSA list for a few months.

Why is Cary Tennis such a narcissist? Is that a requirement for being an advice-letter writer? It is always so funny to read his responses because it always sounds like he is still using drugs and alcohol and can't see beyond his own twisted brain.

I am still incensed that she was allowed many, many thousands of dollars of DISABILITY pay when she was shown on Radar bouncing on a trampoline holding two children simultaneously--while she was STILL on disability. She supposedly had a "bad back!" The wonderful state of California has been the enabler for this narcissistic, delusional liar. Now of course the "bad-mom porn" voyeurs are paying her. Sue her for the fraudulent claim and allow CPS to help those poor kids!

Many thanks to all the responders. I lurve Amerikka!

ps: Betzee--you are exceedingly self-involved and overshare every single day. Why don't you get your OWN column? I mean, I'm sure someone must like your responses but I find them so self-referential and narcissistic that I wonder if you have an issue seeing the rest of the world.

The fact that they claim they are is very destructive to those who find it doesn't work for them. Please do yourself a favour and read about some other approaches, and include "In Love with Daylight" by Wilfred Sheed and "How AA Failed Me" by Marianne Gilliam. It works for some but if not for you, know you are not alone and not "wrong."

And, yes, this thing called life is fraught and inexplicable and we ALL die, not just the alcoholics, so when they say that little spiel about death I just laugh. You are NOT powerless over your own self--you CAN choose not to drink at all, it's that simple. You might need help finding that strength, but you can.

Also, vaporland, Bob Marley's cancer started in his toe from an injury received during a pick-up soccer game in Kingston. NOT lung cancer -- do the research and read "Catch a Fire."

This is the void. So what? Quit worrying about it and accept it. We are not who we know, what we own, what we do, how much sex we have, how much money we have, how much info we know,; we are void and null and have only this very moment. So what? I was clinically dead once from an accident and now each day above ground, even with all my physical and mental disabilities, is a good day to be alive, and a good day to die. We are NOT the pinnacle and be-all of creation. Next?

You do sound alot like my ex-husband, who was so unpleasant to be around it necessitated a divorce. At least she's still there in your angst with you, right?

Thanks Mr. Tennis for some level-headed advice. It is completely possible that the LWs friend was a heavy drinker medicating herself through trying circumstances and not an alcoholic. Many times strict AA "nazis" will project their own confusion and resentment upon others, and forget that they do not need to "take another's inventory." With all the cultic pronouncements and group think that usually surround AA, it's nice to see a proponent that has a sense of reality, too.

To the letter writer: it's really great that you have a relationship with someone who understands what AA is about. Just keep it simple. If you don't want to drink, don't. If she does, what business is it, really, of yours? If you truly love and care for someone, even the confusions and trials they go through will be something you want to be there to be helpful for. The principles say, to paraphrase, that you will reach out whenever anyone needs help. So why not be present and able right now, no matter what? Love is patient and kind...and ignore that crap about "There but for the grace of God..." Because god's grace infuses us ALL, even drunk drunks and half drunks and undrunks. Stay free!

Much of your story parallels mine--"unplanned" kids, difficult family of origin, abusive spouse (and ignoring someone and emotional abuse counts). There are no easy answers, and at some point you will need to make the best decision you can with all available information--and only you can decide this time, so please decide for yourself--it's the only real freedom you have in this world. Horoscopes and advice columnists are not the answer.

Also, please read "Trauma and Recovery" by Dr. Judith Lewis Herman.

That was beautifully executed sir. We truly are the collection of every moment of our lives right Now and have all those memories of all our selves just around every corner. But soon you will also have to give up the mental categorization and simply live in the pain too. You have the courage.