I am currently addicted to Cary Tennis's advice column; prior to that it was Miss Snark, who I seemed to refresh early and often.

A couple of years ago I was at a writer's conference and in close proximity to a writer I admired. Fawned after. Could easily and quickly become addicted to. This was a very strange, wonderful and frightening sensation. Was I about to discard my husband of 15 years along with the two kids (who knows if the writer in question was even interested)? With the high altitude of the conference, and the inherent giddy lightheadedness, I thought I was at a crossroad. Thank God for my sensible roommate, who explained that through out her fifteen years married life she had crushes. I had never heard of such a thing. It was a crush, and my mental obsession would wear itself out.

Enjoy it, LW, enjoy it. How often all of us seek our aperitif, our appetite whetter, for life.

What a profound response. As I read the letter I thought to myself, enough already! But thank you for articulating so much.

Years ago, when my daughter was very young she wept because on the plane tickets my name was different from hers, her brother's, and her dad's. She wanted people to know we were together. It was bittersweet, and I'm sorry I didn't have this response to draw from. Chapeau.

All you have to do is watch tv. Lots of successful black people. No Mexicans, except for those who are heavily accented, or really hot!

So, that must mean there's no more problems. Right? Right?

Really. Put the energy you've had discussing your ideas and writing aspirations with others into your writing. (How else did they know what you are attempting?) And please, please, please, read Carolyn See's Making a Literary Life.

The full time writers of my group are non fiction writers-- writing about business, medical stuff, water conservation. One of them does that to pay the bills in order to write his fiction and screenplays. The rest of us write as much as we can, and pay our bills with other jobs. Many, many successful literary authors that I know earn their living with the college classes and lectures that they give.

I think the goal the LW has set is actually quite overwhelming.

Break it into small, achievable steps. Like, maybe, a topic. (A number of topics) then tackle the one that connects most meaningfully. Life and writing are so different from the classes we excelled at. There was always a syllabus attached, and always

a guide as to how to get the A. Good luck, and, really, have fun, or else what is the point?

Why is everyone so fearful of being thought a bitch?

Lady, it's your house and it's your rules. Offending family member, my husband means well, and I love him and you dearly. But this isn't working out. Thanks so much for understanding, I really appreciate it.

The most intolerant people I know are fundamental atheists.

That includes my beloved husband, who honors reason and objectivity above all else, but becomes emotionally disturbed by

other people's belief systems. I think we, all of us, get angry and disappointed when the world doesn't conform to our personal beliefs. But friends are a package deal; remember and honor the qualities you loved and connected with.

She is being her (mildly to grossly oblivious, in your estimation)and you are being you (mildly to grossly accommodating, until you can no longer stomach it). To me the funny thing is you want validation as the morally superior one.

Sorry, kiddo, your "compassion" looks like condescension.

Yikes! To read these response the end is near!

My father-in-law faced a very similar situation, a wife who would

reluctantly accommodate him, and a dream of life in the States. From London laborer to laborer in King of Prussia, PA long before email and Skype. Who can predict anything will work out for any of us? His wife made do with trips back to her family. I am grateful for the day he was fed up with his life in the UK. But then again, I have the heart of an adventurer as well, just like him and his son.

The Vanishing was an unforgettable, disturbing movie.

I recommend 28 Days Later as a terrific horror movie which incorporates two levels of evil: zombies and human beings!

Have you ever tried it, Heather? Larkin's in Eagle Rock CA serves it, and it is flippin' amazing. And evil big corporations are keeping you from picking up and finishing Dostoyevsky, huh? Insidious mind control, I suppose. Funny about the difference between the things we're supposed to like, as opposed to things we actually enjoy. Now I must get back to watching tv online.

Gad Czudner's book Small Criminals Among Us is terrific--and addresses just that.

Empathy, perhaps, is inborn to some people, just like a talent for math or art is. But just like math or art, for the majority of us, it must be taught!

Really, who cares what she thinks? Stop giving her air time!

Dear Cary--

Can't wait!

Dear LW:

People are very uncomfortable with authority. Their own authority. For some reason we don't want to be SEEN as setting boundaries, we want people to a) read our minds or b) figure it out. And it does puzzle me that so many people want a solution that makes them continue to seem like a "good" person (doormat) while getting what they want: changed behavior.

It's your home. Set a boundary. Don't hide behind the peep hole, embrace your inner authority, open the door, smile and say, "So nice to see you! Now's not a good time." Ooh, but that might risk his disapproval. Indeed, a dilemma.