So? That still doesn't change the pure scientific fact that the vast majority of AIDS transmissions worldwide, "likely" or not, came as the result of hetrosexual activity.

Anyway, something about the LW was a bit off. It's been YEARS since he had contact with his "best man" and wife and now he's thinking about saying something? Something doesn't add up.

LeCastor,

Fair enough. I do think it was clear that some folks were objecting to what Sullivan was saying as opposed to her ability to say it and I can see the parallel you're attempting, but, I can't speak for Tyler so maybe he'll come along and make his point.

"What I am advocating... is that we not look away when we see other people engage in risky behavior that can hurt other people. It's not unlike standing up to drunk would-be drivers, or ratting out racists when you know it affects their dealings with others. Nushawn Williams got 4-12 years for having unprotected sex with nearly 50 women and girls when he knew he had HIV. And I'm a facist because I say recklessly slutty people shouldn't be winked at by society?"

So what do you propose to do? Sure you can advocate safe and "responsible" sex but short of the Big Brother Sex Police, other than advocating, what is your practical solution? Also, it's interesting how you go from someone who knew he had HIV and actively had unprotected sex with women to "recklessly slutty people". That's a big leap.

"I'm not bitter, but I did consider the time I spent waiting in that office for the results of that test to be the most eye-opening moments of my life. When I realized exactly what risks he had opened me up to, and what risks trusting people open themselves up to every day... And most people act like infidelity is just about hurt feelings! That scares me. I wouldnt call it embittering, I would call it infuriating."

So, it is about you to some degree? Although I suspect that most people who are cheated on don't wind up with a deadly, or otherwise, disease, I don't think anybody said infidelity is "just" about hurt feelings, but, as some other posters have noted, it is somewhat telling that the deadly disease part seems to be the primary focus when a gay man is involved. There have been plenty of heterosexual "unfaithful spouse" letters to Cary and I don't remember the primary focus being on the possibility of the cheated on partner catching a deadly disease.

Good luck with your work.

Nice distinction. Well said.

But, how does discussing what the LW should do and Cary's advice to the LW translate to one not taking personal responsibilty for their lives? I don't think they are mutually exclusive.

Totally agree. The funny thing is, like you, I don't mind paying the taxes for schools and all the other stuff. But, I can't believe that the some are still trying to push emotionally manipulative crap like the "well, support me because my kids might have to take care of you when you get old..." and snide questions about how childfree people treat their parents. Well at least, the outrageously self centered "...if people stopped having kids..." line didn't come out yet. Yeah, I'm sure some of you were thinking about continuing the existence of the human race when you had kids. The human race was counting on YOU. Uh huh.

Let's cut to the chase. Stop all the esoteric and poorly reasoned babbling about the "future", the "good of society", "...compared to Sweden..." and say what you really mean. Some folks obviously think their choice to have kids means they and their kids provide more value to society than those who choose otherwise, and therefore, they should be especially supported by society. That's why you hear support "family friendly" policies instead of "people friendly" policies. Of course some folks realize the contradiction. That's when the tired and true slogans like I mentioned above come out. The best solution was put forth earlier here - one leave standard for eveybody - with generous "banking" and carryover attachments - use it as you wish.

You missed the point. Which was, that the "down low" is not restricted to black men, or as the poster put it, brown people. Does the phrase "in the closet" ring a bell? Therefore, it is a bad generalization to imply, as you did, that it's something unique to black gay men or, more accurately, certain black gay men.