Letters to the Editor
mattmclain
Published Letters: 62 Editor's Choice: 6
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Live inning to inning, forget the rest
[Read the article: King Kaufman's Sports Daily]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Being a sports fan aint that hard. It's pretty damn easy to ignore all the soap opera crap that the media force feeds us. And there's always been dark episodes in sports--1919 Blacksox, 50's CCNY, Bonds, etc. There probably was some on-the-take gladiators back in Rome too, so the "loss of innocence" aint exactly new, it just depends on how old you are when a story breaks. The only difference between now and 1919 or 75 bc is that we didn't hear about every single instance of every athlete's personal flaws back in the day. But today the media give us Andy Reed's kids busts on the front page ESPN.com. In the off season no less?
The key to enjoying sports these days seems to be to take everything with a grain of salt, and always keep your sense of humor. LIke in the great novel, North Dallas Forty. A gritty tale of brutality and drugs and coaches that didn't give a crap about injuries. But it was told with style and humor sorely lacking in todays sports writers, say for Gifford, Whitlock and Riley.
Today we have every division in baseball being hotly contested, an NFL and NBA where at least a half dozen teams can win championships, the first ever playoff being held in golf--hell, even nascar is interesting these days. It's utopia for sports fans in America--even with all the easily ignored idiots like Vick.
I say sit back and enjoy the 2-2 count, althought the 3-2 is where it's at.
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I suspect Lucifer
[Read the article: King Kaufman's Sports Daily]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Any Cub fan worth a shit knows that the Day of Reckoning - when Jesus returns, the Jewish Messiah appears, Allah shows up blowing cronic at a peace rally what have you, will most certainly occur after the Cubs sweep the Cards in the NLCS, then sweep the white sox in the World Series. We all know this, it's a given. It''s God's plan.
So I suspect Lucifer himself--probably with help from the Tribune Company, Eric Show and/or Bartman, to be to blame here for hurting these innocent MySpace Cub fans.
Show clearly had some sort of Beelzebub side deal going in 84 that was fully consumated with sed devil beast July 7, 1987. This brushback from beyond clearly has the markings of such an agent of evil.
Equally suspect is Bartman. Can this simple, small man be beyond such spiteful revenge? Me thinks not. He's probably holed up like Ted Kazinsky somewhere on the outskirts of Ketchum knawing on stale peanut concocting ways to further destroy the dreams of Cub fans world-wide.
Most likely though, is the Tribune company. If Cub fans were having fun (especially low-cost fun) expect the fascists at the Trib to surely piss on the parade. One last kick in the plums, one last slap on the wrist before this disgraced conglomerate shatters to rubble.
But fear not Cub fans. We shall overcome. We will rise for the ashes of the Tribune Company, we'll heals the wounds of 100 years. And after St. Carlos strikes out the side in the bottom of the ninth to win the world series, He will return. And He will take with him these 3000 poor MySpace souls, and with them all of Cubdom will rejoyce leaving behind only the wretched few Cub haters to bun in the fires of hell whilst having to listen to the screatching, nighmare of a homerun hell-call by "Hawk" Harrelson over and over and teeth-grindingly over again for all eternity;
"Put it on the boooooooooard, Yes! Put it on the boooooooooard, Yes! Put it on the boooooooooard, Yes! Put it on the boooooooooard, Yes! Put it on the boooooooooard, Yes! Put it on the boooooooooard, Yes!"
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Yo Bill
[Read the article: King Kaufman's Sports Daily]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]8/8/88 was a phenominal day/night. After opening up the game with a smash ding-dong by that fleet footed Philly 2ber, the skies opened up. A biblical thunderstorm announced God's displeasure in the lights being installed at Wrigley. Morgana, the crazed chic with ginoumous mellons that used to run on the field sat right next to me before she hoped the wall and gave Ryno a big hug. Then when the tarpe was out, some drunk goof told me his boys were giving him $5000 if he could crawl al the way through tarpe tube, but the yellow bastard never made a run for it.
7/7/87 was when Show--the dirty bastard, plunked Andre Dawson in the cheek after swatting a dong onto Waveland. Some amateur photog snapped a shot of the ball as it hit The Hawk's cheek and it ended up as the cover shot on SI. After the plunking, Red Baron Sutcliffe comes tearing out of the dougout and a huge brawl ensued--two of em in fact. After the first brawl, Show was in the Padre dougout still popping his yap, so Rick chased him into the visitors dugout. After it all, Tony Gwyne came trotting back out to Right Field, his uniform covered in blood.
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This is for Shouts and Murmers, right?
[Read the article: Diaper-free nation]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Ok, that's hilarious. You must get this into the New Yoker asap. And I love how this answers Hitchens perfectly (although his 'beefy' line was pretty funny.)