I don't see any signs that the wife and husband have actually talked about this issue in any depth. Arguments are not a substitute for conversation. In any case, who says the husband's feelings about his life aren't valid? How about this:

Sit down with the husband. Make him tell you where he'd rather live. Make him pick a city and even a neighborhood within that city (since that seems to be ever so important).

Have the husband explain what he would do in that city that is different than where he lives now. How would his life change, and how would that make him happier? Make him be specific as possible. Why does location matter to him?

If the husband can discuss these things in a convincing manner, the wife should agree to move when (and only when) she can find a job that pays as much or more than her current job and is not a step down in her career. That might take months or even years.

Dear LW,

With all due respect to your feelings of loneliness and regret, perhaps it would help to consider another perspective.

Many, many people arrive at their 40th birthday wishing they could be in your position. We all have regrets and dreams that have gone unfulfilled. However, by the time we reach 40, plenty of folks (although not me) are looking for a way to start over or at least make a big change in their lives. Unfortunately, they've got to consider their obligations. These can include the spouse, the children, the ex-spouse, the child and ex-spouse visitation issue, child support, alimony, their spouse's ex-spouses, their parents, their in-laws, their job, their spouse's job, etc. These things make changing your life in middle age difficult if not impossible.

You are in the enviable situation to do whatever you are capable of. You can move anywhere and take any job you can get. You have so many possibilities available to you!

Also, 40 isn't that old. There is plenty of time to find a "significant other." Children are also still a real possibility, even if you have or want to adopt. However, I wouldn't jump into a serious relationship right away. I'd figure out what I want to do with my life first.

Be practical. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? What would it take to get that job? For example, do you need to go back to school? Where in the world would you most like to live? Make a list, make a plan, get started!

Good luck!

You are certainly right about the current occupant. He has given away the country to big business and those that would take big risks with other people's welfare on stupid, poorly conceived schemes.

However, I have to write in and speak up for the little guy. Its nice to be concerned with those small time investors who lost their savings. (Everyone wants a winter vacation somewhere nice.) But, the real tragedy to me is that lots of good, decent people were talked into mortgages they couldn't afford. Now, they are going to be foreclosed on and/or face bankruptcy. These people will not be having a happy Thanksgiving or holiday season. They thought they had achieved the great American dream and now they are facing shame, debt, court, lawyers, and possible homelessness. Families will be destroyed by this.

What if the cheater was a man and the LW was his wife? Would the advice be the same?

When the man cheats, the wife is told to throw the bum out and keep the house, kids, and alimony as a consolation prize. When the woman cheats, the man is told to seek counseling and not to feel bad about himself? That's bull*&%^.

I say the wife is using this guy. She wants him around for emotional support ("grow old together") and she wants to have her "mistress" for fun and sex. When the husband complains, she makes some token gestures and then goes right back to cheating.

The wife has had plenty of chances. My advice to the husband is to hire a good lawyer and head for divorce court.

Over the past 6 months or so, I've been undecided on whether to vote for Clinton or Obama in the primary. The idea that Clinton would shy away from questions that she is "unprepared" for and that she would plant questions is disturbing. I know this is probably just politics as usual in America. However, I really do expect more from someone who claims to be presidential material. I don't want to just "meet the new boss" in 2009. Perhaps that's naive, but that's how I feel.

I'm voting for Obama.

Life is short and uncertain. Love does not come along every day. Go for it!

Let's see, this month's grab bag of supposedly insightful commentary includes:

Bill Clinton has had problems with infidelity. Some people find this distasteful.

Hillary is calculating and not very good at unscripted Q&A. Some people like other candidates better. This might affect the outcome of the primary.

There have been devastating hurricanes in the past.

Mailer's heyday was many years ago. Some of his later work wasn't very good.

Feminists didn't like Mailer.

Natalie Wood was a big deal in the 50s and 60s. Some people look back at her fondly.

Wow, I can certainly see why Salon.com continues to employ Paglia. She's so insightful, intelligent, and a real contrarian.

Also, I had no idea that Paglia was so important as to be considered for the same magazine article assignment as an aged Mailer! Better yet, she's in a play! Wow!

What, no comment on Gore's Nobel prize? Heh.