As we become older, we assume the parent role and the parents assume the role of the child. They need us to look after them and they need us to be the bigger person. Your annoyance at her seems to be a result of your refusal to recognize this and accept your changing role as a child.

You mother spent "the best years of her life" taking care of you. During the alcohol years, she kept the family together and protected you as best she could. She dedicated her life to raising you. You are the end product of her existence. Perhaps that sounds dramatic, but its true.

What does she expect in return? Probably, she expects you to visit or call several times a week. She would like you to take her out to lunch occassionally. She would like you not to bust her chops when she gives her grandchild a lousy haircut. She wants you to make a big deal out of mother's day.

Your mother sounds very sad and lonely and she is asking for attention. Perhaps in giving her this attention, you can eventually discuss the subject of what she will do with the rest of her life.

Parents who think it’s always best to keep the family together trouble me. I can tell you from experience that its not. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and an enabling mother. My mother stuck by my father through everything, including drunken car accidents and near-bankruptcy. I witnessed it all and it still affects me today. Would it have been better if they had divorced? It certainly could not have been worse. Perhaps if they had divorced, I could have dealt with the trauma earlier than in my 20's and 30's when the realization of how difficult my childhood was finally hit me.

The LW’s current situation is harming the child. He should do what he can to remove the child from the situation and get the child psychological counseling to deal with the mental illness and divorce.

The idea that older children deal better with family problems than younger children is wrong. Younger children are less apt to blame the situation on themselves. They also have more developmental steps ahead of them to grow through after they are removed from the trauma.

What if he cheated with a another woman, instead of a man? Would the advice be the same?

Its important to not have a double standard when it comes to this issue. Gay (or bisexual) men shouldn't be treated differently than any other cheating spouse when they cheat on their wives. I think the temptation is to excuse these guys due to the perception that they are "confused" or "afraid" to come out. Maybe that's valid when the guy doesn't realize he's gay until after marriage. However, this guy knew who he was when he married his wife. He needs to honor his commitment or end the marriage. The advice to him should be no different than if he had an affair with woman. No one suggests a visit to a psychologist when a guy cheats on his wife with a woman. No one provides stories of similar men who've valiently moved on with their lives. This guy just needs to be honest with himself and everyone else. He needs to face the fact that he's caused his wife and child harm and work on mitigating their suffering as best he can.

I also think that if you know someone is cheating, you should always tell the spouse. Anyone who is in the position of being cheated on will tell you the same. Its painful, but they want to know.

The LW sounds as if she is making the task of finding a mate just another life accomplishment. However, this particular task can't be solved in the ususal work hard, keep trying, manner.

Love seems to fall upon us unexpectedly. Its impossible to know where and when it will come from. It seems to occur in the strangest of places and with the most unlikely of people.

Cary is right, be patient.

The LW doesn't say enough to convince me that he's really considered the Peace Corps seriously. True, having a good job that you like is nice. However, you do not choose to join the Peace Corps because you are out of work or have a lousy job. The Peace Corps is not employment (or a substitute for it).

Early in our marriage, my wife and I considered joining. I was finishing up my M.S. and she her B.A. We spoke to the "recruiter" and found out that they do take married couples and try find them locations where both of their skills are utilized. We also had a chance to talk with lots of people who'd joined. Most of them enjoyed it. All of them said it had completely changed their lives and their outlook on the world.

A good job isn't as hard to find as you might think. If you found one once, you can find one again. On the other hand, joining the Peace Corps is only something most people can do when they are young and unencumbered by the material possessions, debts, and responsibilities that we accumulate during life.

My advice to follow the woman you love and have a great adventure while you are young enough to do so. Don't worry so much about how a marriage is supposed to work or what your life is supposed be like after you are married. Things never go as planned anyway! The stable job and home life will be there when you get back. Don't get old before your time. Don't choose your job over your wife.