Cary's comments are insightful, but not very practical.

You need to decide what you would like your husband to do about this situation. Should he leap up from his chair and take on his family when these ugly comments fly? Should agree never to see his family again? Is he willing to move far away from them to limit contact? What action do you expect from him?

Also, what does he expect from you? Does he expect you to never speak up at family functions? What if you want to limit the contact his parents and brother have with any children that come along? Is he going to be OK with you not attending every family function, or any family function?

Discuss these issues with him as specifically as possible! Do not expect him to read your mind about this topic! You will find out whether or not your husband-to-be to be is willing to take your feelings into consideration. If you are comfortable with his views on this, then great. If not, then you have some deciding to do.

My own wife is not comfortable with my family, for very good reasons. However, I don't feel I can separate myself completely from them. So, we compromise. We live in another state (I turned down a good job offer near them because she would not be comfortable living nearby). I visit them by myself sometimes. When we visit together, we keep visits short and she is never alone with them. When they come to visit (rarely), they stay in a hotel. Luckily, we don't have children, so we've avoided that difficult issue. While its not perfect, its a practical solution to a difficult problem.

1. You don't think you are supporting the right wing conspiracy theory that the liberals run Hollywood? I'll give it a week before you are mentioned by a right wing pundit who thinks you are.

2. I understand being cynical. However, do you think that the people who produced, wrote, directed, and acted in these movies think that they are not causing social change? Of course they do. Have you seen or heard an interview with Clooney lately? Take a look at extras on the Crash DVD to see what the director intended.

3. Furthermore, I think that these movies do have some positive effect, at least in subtle ways. For example, I don't think that Crash is going to "cure" an openly racist person of their views, but maybe it will have some effect on your average middle-class citizen of suburbia who doesn't really encounter issues of race in their everyday life. I know Crash affected my views of race and society. In another example, my mother's views on homosexuality were changed drastically by watching Philadelphia.

4. It doesn't matter how the right wingers view these movies. Most people don't identify as right or left. Everyday folks will go see these movies because they are adult-minded and they got good reviews and an Oscar nomination. Once they are in the theater, there is a lot of value to getting them to at least think about an issue. These same folks hardly ever see an indie or foreign film (sadly).

5. I'll agree that indie and foreign films are better at addressing social issues. However, many more people see the Hollywood films. Does it matter to you that people like Ang Lee often get their start in indie films? Are they supposed to stay broke and unrecognized to stay socially relevant?

6. I think your piece is really just an example of how the left isn't open to alternative viewpoints. You are dismissing Hollywood films because they are from big studios. Films can't be important unless they are obscure?

7. "I'm not suggesting that culture plays no role in shaping political opinions;" Well, gee, thanks for throwing the artists a bone.

8. Inspirational? Were any of these movies inspirational?

Perhaps a reading of the book, "The Rules" is needed here. In principal, I hate the idea of this book. However, for women who bounce from one bad relationship to another, I think its good idea to hold men off at arms length until they prove themselves worthy of their devotion. In my experience, these women tend to jump into a commitment with these troubled men before they know what they are getting into.

Of course, strings of bad men are probably a symptom of something bigger. However, following these rules may help in developing "jerk radar."

Film critics are an interesting bunch. They complain about the mindlessness and bottom-line focus of the movie industry. Then, they pick out the few movies that try to address important social issues and complain about being made to feel guilty and about a liberal bias in Hollywood.

Crash is the first film in a long time I've seen that tries to take on racism in today's society. Who else in society is addressing this issue in any meaningful way? Perhaps at times the film is a bit preachy. However, this is a difficult topic to address (especially for a white director), give him a break. To me, the suprising part about this film is that it got produced at all.

The liberal bias arguement is straight from the right wing pundits. Thanks to Mr. O'Hehir for parroting their talking points. Perhaps he will be doing film reviews for Fox News soon. At least at Fox, his intellectual sloppiness will be appreciated.

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.