I'm sure that a lot of readers will write in and declare that Cary is being too harsh and that the LW should try to stick by the husband for at least a while. “Give the guy a chance,” they will say.

As the son of an alcoholic father and codependent mother, my advice is to get out now. My own father drank throughout my childhood. My mother stood by him, trying to get him to stop. Eventually, after a near fatal car wreck, arrest, and court-mandated treatment, he did quit. He's now been sober for at least 10 years.

Why do I say to the LW, "leave now?" I do so because the impact of living with an alcoholic on you and your children is enormous. He may eventually get sober. However, as Cary points out, that could take years and it may never happen. By waiting, you are subjecting yourself and your children to much psychological harm.

In my own case, my father quit drinking when I was 16. The realization of what happened in my childhood and how is was shaping my personality and life hit me hard in my early twenties. After years of depression and counseling (mostly connected to my father's drinking), I think I am mostly over it now (I'm 37). If my mother had left early on, I frankly feel that I might have avoided much of this difficulty.

Finally, recovery takes many years. Alcoholics often drink to self-medicate. In my father's case, he was hiding from his own terrible childhood and depression. When he quit, he still had to deal with his demons. He's spent the last 10 years in counseling and is still on 2 or 3 different medications for his ongoing psychological problems. Your husband's bender after the family visit is a sign that he is in the same situation.

Cary is right. Leave now. Get full custody. Get yourself counseling. Save yourself and your children.

The author is correct in her view that parents should be allowed to use their judgement about whether or not their 3 year old should get a spanking. After all, those 3 years olds can be real assholes. Certainly, they know that if they throw a tantrum, it will upset our sense of control and well-being. How better to regain that sense of control by asserting our physical dominance over a toddler?

Of course, postive reinforcement and tolerance probably work better than violence, but it should be our option to choose a good spanking instead. After all, the former option requires us to learn something about child behavior. What parent has time for that?

Finally, nothing works better to calm an upset, irrational toddler than a good smack on the behind. True, they might just scream louder. But, instilling a sense of fear in the little asshole will go a long way to preventing the next tantrum.

When will these government types learn that our children are our property and that we should be able to do anything we want to them, no matter what doctors, social workers, and psychologists say?

Choosing a candidate in an anonymous process sounds a lot like an election, but much earlier and with dollars instead of votes.

It seems to me that ending all direct contributions (and the use of one's own personal wealth) in favor of a public funding system that gives every candidate an equal share would have the same effect and cost taxpayers the same amount. However, it wouldn't give any candidate a financial advantage from the start. The budget for campaigns could also be reduced, forcing the candidates to participate in free events, such as debates, instead of just buying airtime to run attack ads.

Unfortunately, the politicians like the current system and they are not going to abandon it.

Your mother is a danger to herself and others. Because of her illness, she is not going to accept treatment.

In cases like this, the law allows her to be taken into custody and treated against her will. The next time she does or threatens something dangerous, call the police. They will come out and question her. If she's as out of control as you say, she'll be taken into custody. At that point, she'll get the help that she needs.

This probably seems extreme, but it really the only way to deal with a mentally ill person who is out of control and violent.

Dear LW,

Perhaps you are looking at the problem in the wrong way. Maybe the problem is the dishwasher itself. The dishwasher encourages an attitude of "I create and someone (or something) else cleans up." The dishwasher allows you to consider the preparation of enormous and extravagant meals. It is this attitude, these meals, and the practice of wastefulness in our country that is killing this planet, not our choice of dishwasher soap. The extravagant consumption of high-on-the-food-chain meat and food processed many times over is hard on the planet. (Read "Diet for a Small Planet.")

There is a Buddhist idea that I read about somewhere that says that doing dishes by hand can be a type of meditation. One must mentally devote oneself completely to the act of dishwashing. The idea is to focus on the cleaning of each dish until done. Dishwashing is not viewed as a chore, but as an opportunity to devote oneself to doing a job correctly.

Short of turning dishwashing into meditation, perhaps you can turn it into a family activity where you discuss the day's activities while hand washing. In other words, find a way to turn something negative into something positive.

Hand washing your dishes will also help remind you that preparing simple meals and living simply is better for the planet. There is an old hippie saying that I like: "Live simply so that others may simply live."