Letters to the Editor
pewella
Published Letters: 81 Editor's Choice: 15
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Creepy Stalker Dude
[Read the article: So I went a little overboard in my courting -- I'm not a crazy stalker!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Yeah, I'm not convinced that this guy is a creepy stalker who deserves this sort of prolonged punishment. But then, since he left out all of the salient information, it's hard to judge. Problem is, how can he make a group of people like him again? Well, ya can't. All you can do it to not care, or get yourself a new group of friends. The punishment will continue until he disappears from town for a few years.
There is stalking and then there is unwanted attention. The LW was probably getting close to the stalker end of the continuum. But the hipsterati crowd is unbelievably cruel for those who transgress. When I was an undergrad, I hung around a bunch of socialists who lived communally. I managed to attract the attention of an older guy, who twice stopped by my house on his way to work for a cup of tea. I mentioned casually to another woman that I didn't like the attention, but wasn't sure what to do. Next thing I know, a "meeting" is held and this guy is raked over the coals for "harrassing" me. It was just tea! I felt awful. He was thoroughly repentent for acting on his repressed-sexist-rage-that-results-from-the-capitalist-economy, but nonetheless, all of the cool communists ostracized him for years. I tried to defend him, letting them know that he never came on to me, etc., but at the end of the day I just had to dump these people....their over-reaction was worse than having a guy like you when you're not interested in him. But then again, this was the 90s, when moral outrage was supposed to be the equivalent of having a moral centre.
My advice to the LW - if you are really cool, and really over all of this, just move on. Seriously. Someone I love went through something similar, and it becomes a vicious circle. Person transgresses - peers ostracize him - person feels small and tries way too hard to make others like him - peers' distain for him grows even more - person lashes out - peers reject him totally - person now feels like dirt and stops caring what others think, now wants revenge. My fear is that the LW is entering the latter stage. It's time to stop obsessing over this and try again somewhere else. Your peers have rejected you. It must feel awful, but just move on. It's almost impossible to get out of this cycle. You are one man, they are many. You could ruin your life if you don't let this go.
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It ain't over until the fat lady sings
[Read the article: I've got breast cancer and I don't want to live]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think that there is a conflation going on here, overlapping the LW previous depression, with an urge to want to reject treatment, versus an active suicide.
What startles the reader is not that the LW wants to die, but it her conclusion that life is not worth living.
If the LW had written "I have had a great life, but now, with advanced breast cancer I want to forego treatment and enjoy my remaining days", then that is a life-affirming approach to death. But the LW is saying "Life is shit, this is my out. Let me die". The former we would all be comfortable supporting, the latter upsets us.
To the LW: Suffering, sadly, is part of life. That is not to diminish your suffering, but please know that we all at some point go through awful times. It may be that you are indeed going to die from breast cancer. Perhaps that brings you relief. If your diagnosis is poor, and the idea of chemotherapy in exchange for a bit more time, appalls you, then it is your choice whether to proceed with the treatment or let the disease take its course. You will cause pain to those around you. You are free to do as you wish with regards to treatment. But please don't kill yourself actively. Those who love you will be shattered and they will never recover from it. You are obliged to live until your body wears out on its own. Sorry, but your freedom does not extend to active suicide.
If you are indeed entering the end of your days, and if your time is limited, why don't you sell all of your property and go do something that would bring you pleasure. Take a dear friend on a trip of a lifetime. Write a heart-felt letter to a long-lost friend. Pick up a camera and go take photos. Go shopping and buy yourself beautiful clothes. Go to a child's year-end school concert and give them a standing ovation. Go give some of your money to a needy family, and watch the transformative power of your generosity (as opposed to bequeathing life insurance to a charity). They will always love and remember you. The end of your life is not yet written. The pen is in your hand. Pick it up.
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Teragram
[Read the article: I've got breast cancer and I don't want to live]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I love your biting sarcasm. I really do. I loved your image of pom-pom clad breast cancer survivors marching for a cure. Holy shit, I couldn't believe it. You really know how to skewer a sacred pro-female image, and I thought you were very brave to write that. That took it to the outer edge of sarcasm. Do you have any other writing that you can share, that is posted on the Internet or published somewhere? Have you ever written about your depression?
Christ, are you going to skewer me now too for asking? You probably think of yourself as a Great Big Drag, but I found you to be oddly funny and refreshing.