Letters to the Editor
boreddcgirl
Published Letters: 22 Editor's Choice: 2
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Wow
[Read the article: Newsweek: Did we mention we were wrong about that marriage stat?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Yes, not frantically marrying oneself off to whatever flotsam happens to be floating around you at age 39 and a half definitely bespeaks "emotional baggage." Or maybe it's just unwillingness to make a lifetime commitment simply because "everybody's doing it." (Marriage - it's like the Macarena!).
Holding out for love and compatibility can never be a bad thing, no matter how long it takes.
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Response No. 890377
[Read the article: My boss says I'm a lesbian but I'm not!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I agree that Cary is off-base in even hinting that the LW should change her appearance to appease a bunch of obviously bored and immature gossips at work. And that there are many reasons for not wanting to dress in a stereotypically "feminine" way, and only a few of them have to do with being gay. I, too, dressed exclusively in jeans and baggy t-shirts in college, and didn't date at all, really, and I, too, was often accused of being a lesbian. I also didn't wear any makeup because I had no freaking clue how to put it on and felt ridiculous trying. I also had a crappy unflattering haircut because, well, I could only afford to go to the Haircuttery and I have, let's say, "difficult hair." For me, I just had no clue about fashion or being "girly" or how to conform appearance-wise, and I somehow missed having anyone indoctrinate me in that prior to college (probably didn't help that I went to a women's college either - not much guidance there!) And also I was shy and felt sure I would look incredibly stupid if I tried to gussy myself up - I just wasn't ready to deal with that kind of attention from people and I assumed they would laugh at me for trying to be "the pretty girl" when I obviously wasn't. I think that is a developmental stage some of us go through - nothing wrong with that.
None of this made me the least bit gay, and I'm still not at all gay, although I do have several gay friends and wholeheartedly support equality for everyone. I eventually figured out how to dress my body in a more flattering way (finally getting out of college and making enough money to buy clothes helps!), I got a better haircut, and learned to put makeup on (although still VERY minimal, and in fact I often wonder why I bother given the fact that I live in DC and sweat it all off by the time I get to the office anyway 7 months out of the year - ugh). I've noticed that no one has accused me of being a lesbian since all that happened. But frankly, even if I hadn't done all that, I think people my age and older (31) are mostly too mature to gossip like that anymore, at least to my face. I just wanted to say that it gets better, and I understand and sympathize with your plight. And please don't listen to anyone who tells you that you have to put makeup on to be a "real woman" (i.e., not gay??) or to be attractive to men. It's reductive and insulting and untrue.
Oh, and yes, your boss is sexually harassing you and you have every right to tell her, firmly, the lay the f- off.
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Sounds like narcissistic personality disorder to me...
[Read the article: My childhood dreams are shattering as I approach adulthood]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm not any sort of an expert, but reading up on that disorder might shed some light. The compulsive, guiltless lying, the profound self-absorption mixed with equally profound insecurity, the tendency to blame your lies on outside circumstances ("betrayal of my childhood dreams" made me become a liar? Come on). On the other hand, if the letter writer really is 18, these could be normal symptoms of adolescence.
I'm disturbed that Cary didn't address the lying part at all - that was what really stood out in the letter for me. I would say, try to address it now with therapy, so you don't turn out like an (ex) friend of mine who has alienated pretty much everyone around her with her extreme lying, manipulation, scheming and constant demands for absolute and adoring attention (like a child), who is still frantically trying to place blame for her actions on everyone but herself...it's a sad place for an otherwise intelligent and talented person to find herself in at age 32.
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Eh.
[Read the article: My childhood dreams are shattering as I approach adulthood]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'm sorry, but faking an illness as an adult is not normal, and it's also not creative, eccentric or magical. Constantly lying is not any of those things either. And bottom line, the letter writer wrote in because he/she is disturbed at these behaviors, feels "dead inside," and wants to address those feelings. Otherwise, why not just enjoy your magical/creative self instead of writing to an advice columnist? Yes, most of us faked illnesses to miss school as children. And many of us have been known to "call in sick" to work on occasion when we don't feel like going, are hungover, etc. Faking stomach cramps in the emergency room is not the same thing. Constantly lying to everyone around you is not the same thing. People who do those things do it because of an overwhelming craving for attention, and anyone who carries that kind of behavior into adulthood has some issues. But ok, if you are narcissistic and dishonest and love the way you are, don't seek help; I don't really care. It just seemed to me that maybe the LW wanted help. On the other hand, maybe he/she just wrote in to see his/her magical creative writing in print, and thus garner even MORE attention. Either way, my theory stands.