Jay Wiener, San Francisco

Men differ and women differ as much as any individuals within a group. The human mind simplifies, creating stereotypes, against which nuance counsels. It is the cultural definitions of how men should act and how women should act which are the biggest difference between men and women.

...but the kick-ass line was:

"what is it about the dead that makes them feel they have the right to control the living???"... or something like that. the writer was worried about calling off a wedding because her mother was dying and wanted to see her get married before she died. your advice was brilliant.

Cary made some good points, but as I read the letter a few random questions jumped out at me (these are questions I think the LW should be answering herself, not one I think she owes anyone else the answers to).

1) You mention going back to school but also talk about using the money to pay off debts and pay down on a house. Which is it? Your mother might want to have a clear idea what you plan to do with the money.

2) Does the monetary request to your mother have to be the "wedding money"? Or does she have other funds she might be able to help you out with? If so, maybe Cary's point about not asking for the "wedding money" per se is worth considering.

3) Say the only extra cash your mom has is this wedding money. You know your mother and your family dynamics better than Cary or his readers. What do you foresee happening if you ask your mother for this money? The fact that you wrote this letter suggests that you don't foresee it being simple. If she flips out (in whatever way she manifests "flipping out") but gives you the money, will you still want it? If she flips out and doesn't give you the money, will you be resentful? Will your sisters get involved? Will it get nasty? If you do nothing, will you end up resentful anyway? Of course, it's entirely possible that your mother just wants you to be happy and that if, as Cary suggests, you share with her your vision of happiness, she'll give you the money without your even asking. Be honest with yourself, and be willing to face the consequences of whatever path you choose.

BTW, I disagree with the previous letter's tone suggesting that you're being something of a brat for expecting this money. It's not like this money isn't there. It's there, and presumably will be whether you get married or not. And while your mother certainly has the right to spend her money any way she chooses, if she has a gift she intends to give you, I think you get some say in how you use that gift too.