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Cocktailhag

Published Letters: 1072

Monday, January 28, 2008 04:06 AM

Blended, by Rights

Gordon, I personally prefer Johhny Walker, with a splash of soda, to any snobbish single malt that the pretentious might proffer. It's also less fattening than all of those other currently popular frou-frou ten dollar concoctions; always a concern for the 40-plus.

Drink liberally, as the saying goes, but that doesn't mean impractically.

Monday, January 28, 2008 04:47 PM
Original article: Today's FISA vote

SOTU Drinking Game

Whenever Bush says "dudn't," (doesn't) "wudn't, (wasn't) or "idn't, (isn't): one drink.

Whenever Bush says "some" (democrats) want something patently wrong or evil, although none actually have: one drink.

Whenever Bush whistles an "S" like a drunk: one drink.

Whenever Bush inappropriately elongates a syllable with a petulant whine: one drink.

Whenever Bush says something that isn't true: one drink.

Better have a whole case of something ready.

Monday, January 28, 2008 05:03 PM
Original article: Today's FISA vote

I forgot the mattresses...

If one follows the rules, including Pedinska's and Tomhere's, padding on sharp surfaces and mattresses on the floor are strongly recommended.

Add in "uh's" and vacant stares, and all but the most hardened alcoholics should expect to tip over after about eleven minutes.

Monday, January 28, 2008 06:52 PM
Original article: Today's FISA vote

Thank Heaven

I don't have a television. I'm thirsty enough without it. The RNC talking points are more than usually nauseating, but I have some difficulty imagining that such horseshit is effective anymore.

Is it over yet?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 12:52 AM
Original article: Today's FISA vote

UT SOTU Liveblogging

I'm still wiping up the sprayed gin... That little liveblog y'all put on so far exceeded, in entertainment value, the event it was meant to cover that in a moment of mental abstraction I was almost glad to have Bush as preznit. Cattle prods, porcelain gods, dental exams, shotguns.... how can something so false, dreadful, and heart-rendingly depressing be so pants-wettingly, gasping-for-breath, hi-f*cking-larious?

Minute by minute, without the shame and suffering of seeing that face and hearing that voice, I had the best SOTU experience ever, conveniently postponed to accomodate a prior engagement. I felt as though a whole truckload of rotten vegetables had splattered, gloriously, across the faces of each Republician, while the dimwit in chief had literally been rendered nary but a fetid pyramid of semi-ripe compost, fit to have the Road Runner stop by and stick a sign on top, "Decider." Beep beep.

Sounds like nobody got hurt, either. My legal team, on loan from the telecoms, said I should mention mattresses, and I'm glad I did.

You couldn't have performed so brilliantly with concussions, after all.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 06:09 AM
Original article: Today's FISA vote

Just a Hag...

Jim, Gordon.... DiFi is too blowzy and frumpy to be a cocktailhag.... A certain amount of fun is required, she lacks that, the poor thing. And a bit of glamour, albeit faded, would be required as well. Now, that Jane Harman.... She's a cocktailhag, alright.

Sadly, there aren't a lot left... It's not like Watergate, where you had Martha Mitchell, Dita Beard, and, of course Rosemary Woods.... cocktailhags all, and they all went down in history.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 02:49 PM
Original article: Today's FISA vote

All have won, and all shall have prizes.

Oy, how having to work all day spoils my fun at UT and leaves me in the dark. A 15 day extension has passed? To face a certain veto? I think breath-holding seems a rather mild form of tantrum for our sociopath-in-chief, and besides, hurting others is the proper way to take out one's frustrations and show disapproval, you know. More likely he'll come up with a grown up variation on the frog exploding follies of his formative years.....

Since it takes one to know one, Jebbie, I'm happy to confirm Pedinska's assertion that a Sweet Potato Queen, if she lives long enough, will certainly end up a cocktailhag. Look down at the end of the bar, and there she'll be; a Saratoga in one hand and a Manhattan in the other, with one eyelash hanging a little at the corner. The voice will give it away.....

WT... Ann Richards was at least a four-star.

I have a little creation for y'all; sure to be treasured by those of us who look unkindly on being spied upon....

If you don't know about it yet, email me at sig at gmail dot com.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008 05:05 PM
Original article: Today's FISA vote

FISA....

Pow wow, what a disturbing mess we have here. A supreme court justice said, and I'm drawing from imperfect memory, something to the effect of, "It is unlikely that the government will not continue to find new ways of spying on its citizens, and therefore the fourth amendment must be interpreted as broadly as possible to account for new technologies."

Does someone more scholarly than I know that quote? It was Frankfurter or Brandeis, I think, and had to do with early recording devices. It stuck in my mind for its prescience, and commonsense clarity.

What seems to be missing here, sadly, is people simply reading the constitution, and understanding what the 4th amendment was designed to prevent, and applying it accordingly.

Others have posted here, and I emphatically agree, that FISA itself is unAmerican, and barely dragged us an inch up the slippery slope down which we've been sliding, not just now, but forever.

The government has been defying its charter since it was established, and at the risk of sounding snotty and churlish, these egregious depredations did NOT stop Sept. 11, or anything else. Nor will they in the future. Despotism is always about internal enemies, and in its singular obsession, invariably ignores real threats. And why not? When it fails, and something bad happens, that in itself enables more despotism.

Heads they win, tails we lose.

Depressing, but hardly a surprise.

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