...if your problem is network TV. Ready? Here I go:

DON'T WATCH ANY. I watch precisely 3 hours of network TV per week, all on Sunday night. It's "Ebert & Roeper", "60 Minutes", "The Simpsons", "Family Guy" and "American Dad" (assuming it's on). That's it. Not one minute more. And I feel SOOOOO much better. You will too.

Great stuff, for a change.

...should be taken out and shot, AFTER its owners.

Yes, what with their long, sharp talons and razor-like rows of teeth.

What a fucking moron.

And because, just like INGLORIOUS BASTARDS, it was a long time in the making, I fear Tarantino will jump the shark with that film just like Rodriguez did with OUATIM.

But alas, it is made of taffy.

I love articles and topics like these, because it's an open invitation to let my freak flag fly!!

Viagra and Cialis will be comforting solutions to impotence just as soon as one of their "possible side effects" isn't DEATH. Though more true of Viagra than Cialis, and less true of either now that they've been perfected over the course of the last few years, that's still a potential outcome. I can't imagine wanting to stay with a woman who would have me risk dying so she could feel some wood. Ugh.

As for arousal, you bet your sweet, sweet ASSSSS it's primarily about how attractive your partner is or is not. Years ago, after a looooong dry spell (loooooong story), I let myself date a fat, ugly tub of shit. And I quickly discovered that Eddie Murphy was right: In such situations you're so relieved that your getting some you fail to notice the, uh, lack of quality. But inevitably, you do. At first I blamed not being able to get it up on the condoms, so she started taking the pill. When the novelty of bareness wore off I was right back to where I started and ended up dumping her.

And obviously, the same goes for great-looking women and fat, ugly men.

One of the things that I always find amusing about articles like this is the inevitable moment - admittedly not yet reached in this case - when some idiot claims this or that treatment made him "feel like [I] was 19 again." These gents clearly don't remember squat about what it was like to be 19. Oh, they may remember thinking about sex all the time, and getting hard-ons when the wind blew, but they've forgotten the sheer jack-hammery of sex at that age. Of having electrifying orgasms - I mean really draining the old sac - and then being ready to go again ten minutes later (or even sooner, depending on the lady). Of HAVING to masturbate 3 to 5 times a day just to feel normal and relaxed when they didn't have a girlfriend.

Women learn about this...in their fucking 30s. What a cosmic practical joke that is!

Oh me oh my I could go on all day. Wait - no I can't. I'm not 19.

...I heard these identical words when this petite martinette was interviewed by Michael Krasny a couple of weeks ago.

Really, there must be SOMEONE else to write about. Especially relating to food.

Brightstar65 wrote:

I have as many hard ons that are as hard as I did in my teens.

See, I told you it was inevitable!

Upthread RealName stated that this show was written for his dog. He's wrong. This show is not written for dogs...it's written for CATS. One of my best friends is a LOST fanatic, and I've watched the show with her a few times. She has a cat, and the cat watches the show with us. The little fucker sits in in front of the TV and watches. He doesn't bat at the images, or try to jump at them. He watches them.

That's why the show makes no sense. It wasn't written and produced for the human intellect. It's meant to appeal to Cat Logic which, if you've ever owned a cat, explains the meandering and aimless quality of the plots. It also explains why plot points are picked up, played with and then dropped at random, exactly like a rubber mouse.

Soon a race of Ubercatz - the real creators of this show - will send their hypno-signal through everyone's tube and then, at long last, ALL YOUR PUSSIES WILL GLOW IN THE DARK!

Truly excellent video!

THAT would have been newsworthy.

I would like to direct you to a blog posting from an acquaintance of mine, comedian and YouTube partner Mark Day. It's on his MySpace Blog page (you'll have to dig a bit), and it's entitled Fuck Pixar. It concerns itself with the irritation felt by many of us when CGI artists such as yourself wax on and on and on and on about how "beautiful" it is to have the honor of animating a given character's eyebrows (or somesuch).

The blog is just the cold splash of water you so desperately need.