"O perjur'd woman! thou dost stone my heart, and makes me call what I intend to do --- she turn'd to folly, and she was a whore."

[Leading his shivering camera crew, a TV commentator skates onto city hall's nightfallen municiple rink on election's eve. A Danny Kaye tune screeches from the P.A. system above]

LARS ANDERSON: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen. This is Lars Anderson of WHYT NEWS speaking to you from Minnyapplelis --- Yoo-SA ! I'm skating here on the Eve of Super Tuesday hoping to interview a few politically-minded representatives of our local Democrat Party community."

The TV anchor races his blades to cut off a couple of star-crossed, blue-eyed, white-haired, red-nosed American lovers.

LARS ANDERSON: "Excuse me, Ma'am. --- With South Carolina now behind us, would you and your beau mind telling our viewers how you expect to vote come February ??"

FRUN FREDEREEKASDOTTER: (puzzled) "Jag inter forsta ni"

BJORN SODERHOLM: (sneezes) "Vilja, talar Minnesotian, --- vilja."

LARS ANDERSON: "Vell, uh, --- zointenly !! --- Gudt eveningz, Frun undt Herrer Vatz-Yur-Vaces, --- as undt representateeve votterz uf our kommunity, kan I axe yoou two-peoples undt kouple Kwestchuns ?? 'Ey ??"

BJORN SODERHOLM: (wipes nose, smiles) "Ja, ja"

FRUN FREDEREEKASDOTTER: (big-eyes hug the camera) "Ja, ja, ja, --- shure-shure."

LARS ANDERSON: "Gudt, gudt. ---- Undt vat doo-yoo-too tinks abootz de izzues ??"

FRUN FREDEREEKASDOTTER: "Ja, ja, --- Eye sinks dot der mayne kon-zeed-era-shuns eeeez --- CHANGE !!!! --- Ja, Ja. CHANGE !!!! --- Ha ! Ha-Ha !!"

LARS ANDERSON: (feigning a hard-brow-scowl into the camera) "Changes ? -- Buut zeees zounds zooooo danger-ous, No ?"

FRUN FREDEREEKASDOTTER: (passes a blinking flirt to the TV Star) "Vell, eeetz likes our tooday-zoziety, --- undt how weez allawayz eez zapping de channellez on dee tellybishion wit dee klicker-ting, --- ja ??"

LARS ANDERSON: (a big smile eclipsing his face) "Oooh, jah !! --- 'eye zinkz 'eye zees vat yooz iz specken zee holy-sverige abootz, --- ja, eye sinks zo. Ha !!

[Anderson shakes the snow from his microphone, then hits Mister Soderholm on the noggin with it]

BJORN SODERHOLM: (with a sucking pout) "Ey, Vots yoo tinks yoo doings"

LARS ANDERSON: (ignores the Swede as he blows a kiss to Bjorn's date) "Undt, yooz, Herrer Bjorn, 'ave yooz too-alzos toughtz karefullys abootz kasting yourn vote eein de upkoming zooper-tieusday elexxions ??"

BJORN SODERHOLM: (rubbing the top of his head) "Ja, ja, --- shure-shure. Eeetz klear dot weez gotz no-wuns to speeks up fer de "Viking-American" kommunities, ja ?? ---- Weez' eeiz de "Foorgotten Onez" ---- dontz yoou knowz ?? -- Ha !! -- Ha-Ha !! ---- Ha-Ha-Ha !!"

LARS ANDERSON: "But Herrer Bjorn, -- kasting yourn votez on zuch'a ting lie-dat ??"

BJORN SODERHOLM: "Vell, -- Jah, Jah --- Yoou Zee, Lars, 'eye takes mine votes zeeriously --- undt 'ave beeen tinking on dot Frau Klinton kandidate berry, berry zeeriously, --- dontz yoou knowz ??"

LARS ANDERSON: "Undt vatz iz dot zeerious stuffs, Herrer Soderholm ??"

BJORN SODERHOLM: "Vell, yoou zee eye dontz beelieves we eva hadz any "Blonde" prezidentleeders before --- "

FRUN FREDEREEKASDOTTER: "Jaaah, but Bjorn, -- Vasn't Jimmie von Karters undt von frecklez-faced Toe-Head ??"

BJORN SODERHOLM: "Ha !! -- Yooz dunderkoffenz idiotisk !! Jimmie vas undt Red Head !! undt Red Head !! --- liken dat Matty van Buren guyz, --- O.K. ??"

LARS ANDERSON: (a contemplative pause, then ...) "Ho !! Jah --- Ha !! --- Ha-Ha ---- Ha-Ha-Ha !!!"

-fin-