FLOYD: (pluckin his banjo as he squints into the abyss)

"Say Clem, -- what did one Engineer to the other Engineer ??"

CLEM: (stomps feet, chuckles, pauses for effect)

"MMMMMOOOOMM-MMMMMMMIIIIIIIIE !!"

FLOYD:

"Hmmm... that is correct. -- Now what'd thee other Engineer say to the first Engineer ??"

CLEM: (removes derby, spits in palm, slicks down his hair)

"Now -- I gots one fer you Slick"

FLOYD: (all teeth ... and a big Moon-Faced grin)

"Chuck it dis way Baybee"

CLEM: (eyes dart right to left, twiddles derby back atop his noggin)

"What did the Diplodocus say to the Pinhead when the global warnings went unheeded in Baton Rouge ??"

FLOYD: (a Major Face-Scrunching followed by a sudden Eye-Poppin Gawk)

"Well ... I dunno Clem .... What DID the Diplodocus say -- to the Pinzhead when the global warnings went unheeded ??"

CLEM: (leans foward on his stool, then back)

"N'yuk, n'yuk ... Well HE says ... n'yuk, n'yuk ... Im'a goin back ta Calarado ... 'above them Fruited plains' ... where us Dipladoci can get Senior Citizen ski passes at our old grazin grounds outside-a Steamboat."

FLOYD:

" ... Hey .. meybee dat Pinhead oughta follows 'em up thar ... and chant one of dem Sutras -- ya knows, prey ... on the matter up atop sum mountaine.

CLEM: (looking around the room)

"N'yuk, n'yuk ... HEY Floyd ... This dump iz empty ... What say we take the rest of the day off ... and go Surfin !!"

FLOYD:

"HOOOOO - IEEE !! ...... Tarnation !! You gots it Craka-B'hoy .... an I gits Shotgun !!"

[** HUXLEY COLLEGE : CLASS OF '32 PEP TALK : The Huxley Faculty have assembled its students in order to motivate them for the upcoming Big Season. A new school president must be selected.

Professor Quincy Wagstaff leads the student body in the closing stanzas of the school's alma mater, "WHATEVER IT IS ... I'M AGAINST IT". For the Huxley President's Administration ---- Great Gobs of Power, Presteige & Moola are at issue. Candidate Wagstaff has simply promised .. to keep the promises coming **]

JENNINGS: (creepy, shifty-eyed and .... Dark)

"Professor ... the entire campus community is absolutely flabberghasted over the recent announcement of your proposed administrative assistant. --- Well Sir, did you not notice ?? ... SHE's a GIRL !!"

PROF. QUINCY WAGSTAFF: (bounces brows toward the ceiling)

"Yeeeess ... Dearest Connie ... Lovely Creature ... to be sure."

JENNINGS: (with high-minded haughtiness)

"But Professor ... she's ... well, she has NO RECORD of accomplishment to speak of - - - - NONE !!!"

PROF. QUINCY WAGSTAFF: (flashing lids)

"Thanks for noticing, Jennings."

JENNINGS: (contorting a puckered-frown, he finger-scratches his toupee)

"I don't understand ...

PROF. QUINCY WAGSTAFF: (smiles as he relites his cigar)

"You will ... you will"

DR. BARAVELLI: (stands forward at the podium)

"Zeees eez all undt Psycho-mo-Logical ploy, yooo Dumkoff Jennings."

PROFESSOR PINKY: (roaring in a silent bout of canned laffs)

" . . . . . . ."

DR. BARAVELLI: (tweeks gotee)

"Yoo Zee . . . Professor Wagstaff's challenger -- Professor O'Blarney -- eez eeemself vuun undt unakkomplished Dumkoffen"

PROF. QUINCY WAGSTAFF: (eyes his cigar's smoke ring as it loftily soars up toward the stage lights)

"Now, lets not get personal, Doctor ... keep it sqeeeeeky clean, if you please."

DR. BARAVELLI: (shrugs, smirks & winks in agreement)

"Eeez Zeemple ... likea holdings undt Mirror uppen to zee Provessor O'Blarney's Mug ... Connie eez undt Zeero .... Zooooooo's - - - O'Blarney musts beez Undt Zeero too-alzos ... Jaah, Provessor ??"

PROF. QUINCY WAGSTAFF: (grabs back the microphone in polished glee)

"Harvard's Constitutional Law professors may have taught Professor zerO a Thing or Two about Cantwell, Girouard, Saia, and Engel ...... I would submit .. however .... that MY OWN professors at the Naval Academy taught me a Thing or Three about the more practical sciences behind the tactical skills & strategies of Marshall Ney, Giap, Von Clausewitz, Sun Tzu ... and old Stonewall Jackson.

DR. BARAVELLI:

"Jaaaah, ... Veee eest not eeen undt vunn chit-chat'zen ober deetails uff Dis or Daat .... Deeees Eeeeez Undt War !! - - - -VAAAARRRRR !!!"

JENNINGS: (suddenly angrily & emotionally distraught)

"Say !! .... O'Blarney's being played with ... I'm beginning to see the light .... this is all Just a GAME to you Wagstaff."

PROFESSOR PINKY: (rolls about stage in a heightened fit of silent canned laffs)

" . . . . . . ."

JENNINGS: (mumbling to himself & his O'Blarney campaign button)

"... and the Game's Over ... ain't it ??"