[** In the Bowels of the World, Charon poles his craft down the River Styx - - - Approaching a dimly lit cavernous tunnel, the hideous Cabbie beholds the Muffled Noise of a Ruckus emanating from within one of the tunnels.

[** Four wary passengers are dropped at the wharf where they take up hand torches before entering the tunnel. Paying the fare, the group leader -- Mister Garrison, -- places a copper in the Cabbie's extended spidery-fingered hand.

[** Charon hisses with a smile ... just as his hand plops & fizzles down into the Black Waters of the Styx . . . Copper and all. With one hand, Charon poles his craft off and vanishes into the dank underground river.

[** Mister Garrison's expedition proceeds on into the tunnel toward the flickering light and what sound's to be a beginner's session of a Yodeling Class.

[** Moments later Garrison enters a Great Firey Hall with his students, Cartman, Stan, Kyle, Kenny ... and their colleague, Stimpson J. Katt. Bonfires envelope the room's perimeters; from a high stalagtited ceiling hangs a chain which supports an old RCA Color Television set.

[** The Yodeling, as it turns out, is nothing more than a musical squabbling between a group of Five Strange Bedfellows who are heatedly battling one another for control of the 'Remote'. One of the two Bedside Butlers, grabs the remote from an ex-U.S. President & passes it over the chubby, mustachioed Slob with a beret to the Bright Red gotee'd & double-horned characted in the middle of the California-King bed. **]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

LUCIFER: (with effeminate glee)

"Good chuck, Terrence ..."

TERRENCE: (casts smiling eyes betwixt the Dictator and his fellow butler)

"Why Thank-you Sir, that's very generous of you to think so."

PHILLIP: (clapping rapidly atop his twinkle-toes)

"Oh Indeeeed !! ... I just Love the way you chuck things, Terrence."

JACK KENNEDY: (peeved & snarly)

"HEY ... You promised that it was MY TURN to pick a Show"

SADAAM HUSSEIN: (grabbing Remote from Satan's hand)

"Let Jack have his turn .... I'm sick & tired of watchin Hurricane blowouts not doin what they should be doin."

JACK KENNEDY: (cooing with the Remote as he snuggles up to the Dictator)

"You are too good to me ........ I want to see what's going on at the GOP convention & the hanky-panky with their VP's family."

[** MISTER GARRISON'S CLASS SIT AT THE FOOT OF THE CAL-KING AS ALL EYES ARE SUDDENLY GLUED TO THE HANGING TUBE. --

ON STAGE APPEAR THE GOP CANDIDATE AND HIS NEW FEMALE PICK FOR THE NO. 2 SPOT. -- DUE TO THE HUB-BUB OF NO. 2'S PREGNANT TEEN DAUGHTER, THE DUET HAVE THROWN TOGETHER A KIND OF LAST MINUTE BURLESQUE SHOW TO OFFSET THE HIGH-NEGATIVES OF THE TICKING TIME-BOMB. --

THE 'GO-JOHNNY-GO' DANCE ROUTINE HAS BEEN REPLACED BY A PERRY COMO-DORIS DAY SKIT ... WITH 'JOHNNY' PRESSED OUT IN A TUXEDO, TOP-HAT, SPATS, CARNATION & CANE OUTFIT ... WITH HIS NEW WHITE HOUSE MATE, SARAH ... DONNING A TOAST-OF-THE-TOWN SILK & CHIFFON GOWN LACED IN EMERALDS AND THINLY LINED WITH MOOSE FUR. JOHNNY APPEARS SMITTEN WITH HIS VP PICK ... WHILE SARAH SEEMS FRAUGHT WITH STAGE FRIGHT OVER HOW TODAY'S NEWS WILL GO OVER WITH HER OLD GOSSIPY PTA COLLEAGUES **]

JOHNNY BE GOOD: (tap dancing in a butchered Perry Como baritone-falsetto)

"No matter what you do, or where you go ..

You get kinda Lonely when the Lights go Low ..

Everybody's gota have a Love that's true ..

And I just gotta have you -- you -- you !! "

JOHNNY BE GOOD: (turns to the GOP Tabernacle)

"Okay Everybody Together Now ..."

JOHNNY BE GOOD: (joining the Choral as he leads Sarah cheek-to-cheek across stage)

"CAUSE LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO 'ROUND ..

LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROOOOUUNND ..

YOUR PULSE WILL BEAT ...

.. AND YOUR HEART WILL POUND ..

CAUSE LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND."

[** The MSNBC Stage Lights are Lowered with a single light focused on the 'Damaged Damsel' as she launches into a Grand Solo at Center Stage ** ]

SARAH WHATS-HER-FACE: (botching a Doris Day Happy-Face as she takes the carnation from Johnny's mangled paw & proceeds off-key in B-flat)

"When I was just a Little Girl ..

I asked my mother ..

.. what will I be ..

.. Will I be Pretty ..

.. Will I be Rich ..

And here's what She said to me ..

QUE SERA, SERA

.. Whatever will be, will be ..

The future's not ours, to see ..

.. What will be .. Will be ..

[** from the foot of the Cal-King, an uproar of cheers come from Mister Garrison's students ... The Strange Bedfellows jump outta bed & turn the Pit of Hell into a raging dance hall that outclasses anything seen on American Bandstand. Huffing & Puffing, Jack Kennedy waves his partner Satan off, and turns to one of Sadaam's butlers ... ]

JACK KENNEDY:

"Terrence ... that GOP Soccer Mom's got me Hot & Bothered ... See if you can get Doris on the phone ... and have her sent over to my Chamber after dinner."

PHILLIP: (butts in)

"I'm terribly sorry Jack .... But Miz Day didn't make it across the Styx .... she was last seen floating up through the Pearly Gates."

JACK KENNEDY: (fretting with discombobulation)

"... I see ... Well then ... what's Marilyn doing tonight ?"

SADAAM HUSSEIN: (stops cold in the middle of his Cha-Cha with Kenny)

"SHE'S WITH ME BUB !! .... Take a number .. there's a long line before you !!"