Announcer: And now a Message From the President of the United States: George W. Bush.

[ open on the Oval Office - beer cans on desk, socks hung on the lamp, a barbecue grill burning on his desk ]

Voice of Advisor: Mr. President, get out there!

President George W. Bush: [ from under his desk ] No! No, you can't make me! You're gonna yell at me again!

Voice of Advisor: Mr. President!

President George W. Bush: [peeks out from under his desk] No! I don't want to go out, it's too hard!

Voice of Advisor: You're on, Sir!

President George W. Bush: Awww.. [ jumps up and takes his seat ] Hey, America! So, how we all doing out there, huh? Yeah, not so good. I broke the Hoover Dam.. we had that war thing happen. But I mean, who ever heard of a Civil War, anyway? What is that? [ grabs a pair of binoculars, unscrews the lens, then pours alcohol from it into his mouth ] I have missed you, ol' buddy! [ pours it into his barbecue grill ] Whoo! I think we can agree, Americans, that these have been a difficult first two years of my presidency..

Voice of Advisor: You've been President for two weeks!

President George W. Bush: Really? Oh, man! I told you, this is hard! Okay, listen.. I'm just gonna get this Address thing over with. As we assess the State of the American Union today, we have reason to hope, because.. [ takes out a map which shows California and Florida as islands, Texas in Communist Mexico, and the Great Lakes on fire ] Holy crap! When did all this happen?! Wow.. the Great Lakes are on fire - even I know that's not good. [ laughs ] Okay, America, we got a lot of problems. I ain't gonna lie to you. But with the help of Vice-

President Dick Cheney..

Voice of Advisor: You killed him in a hunting accident!

George W. Bush: Okay, fine! Not a problem. 'Cause I've been working hard, I got a plan that's gonna solve all of it - from the deficit, to foreign relations, to that hole in the sun. Two words, America: Ostrich Meat.

Voice of Advisor: [ disgusted ] Oh, come on! [ exits Oval Office ]

President George W. Bush: No, no, wait, wait! Hear me out. You see, everyone gets an ostrich.. and then you eat the ostrich, then you raise the ostrich.. that way, no more ostriches! We are trying to get rid of all the ostriches, right? Anyone? [ ball of fire erupts outside ] Aw, screw! That big tit building is on fire again - damn! Alright, sorry, folks.. I gotta take care of this.. [ stands up ] Come on, Blue! Here, boy! [ an ostrich ambles forward ] You all go on ahead without me. And, in the meantime, "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

November 4th, 2000 http://snltranscripts.jt.org/00/00dglimpse1.phtml

i don't believe any thread can be allowed which does not switch over to how naughty those israelis are being.

bill o'reilly!

because they're celebrating the inauguration!

obviously, a dentist should rule out abcesses, decaying gums, etc. and of course cigarette smoking, or coffee breath. but if there isn't a medical/dental problem, then very often it's buildup of gunk on the back of the tongue, often from dryish mouth, which are fairly easily improved by tongue scraping. you can get flexible strips via the dentist that reach back there, some toothbrushes have a tongue scraper on the back, in a pinch you can use an upside down teaspoon; but the most important factor is a very small height, so you can get way back. the best gadget i've found came as part of a cheapo waterpik setup.

so they haven't had a victory in 20-some years. at least.

after they are through offering admission to the legacy applicants, and those of prominent families in the US or abroad, and the outstanding athletes, there just aren't a lot of slots left.

can't you see she's so bush reading all the newspapers, http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_newspapers_or_magazines_does_Sarah_Palin_read she can't be expected to get what every single one is saying right!

just when you thought the world couldn't get weirder.

ya got a clog in your information pipeline which is blocking the flow, from too much information being flushed down it. what ya got to do is install a filter so that only the little bits of information can pass through, keeping the really big information out. that big information only makes problems for you.

really.

as you get older you'll figure it out. unfortunately, by then you won't be young anymore. but at least you'll have figured it out.

I am!

uhoh, wait a minute...

the folks on top have to have better traits, by definition, which the folks below them envy and want. for the folks on top to emulate and adopt the traits of the folks below them on the ladder is upsetting to the social order and has to be scorned. women who want to wear men's style clothing is normal. men who want to wear women's clothing are a menace. women who have men's style names is normal. men who have women's names are weird; even if the names were men's names to begin with (marion, evelyn, leslie, shirley, etc.) black people having "white" names are on their way to the top; white people who take black names, weird. black people who adopt white styles of speech, dress, music; moving on up. white kids who pick up black styles of dress, speech, music; a threat to society.

How is it you guys all saw these that nobody else saw, but you didn't see Obama's birth certificate, which everybody else saw?