As I read letters on Salon regarding male/female relations, I always wonder why people seem to think that only men have a hard time getting dates or are lonely?

I'm in my mid-twenties, and I know lots of young, attractive, educated American women who want to get married and have children, but are unsure how to meet good guys. A lot of these women don't drink, don't like the bar/party scene, and are actually turned off by the typical over-confident guy who hits on women at these parties. Some of them are worried they won't meet someone. Many of them feel that they don't date men they meet for long because they don't want to have sex right away, and some of them want to wait until they are married. They feel that a lot of men they meet expect them to sleep with them immediatly, and drop them when they say they want to wait until they at least know each other really well.

So its very puzzling to me when I hear that only men face rejection. Lots of nice women I know have been rejected too. It goes both ways. I think the dating scene in the U.S. is truly messed up, and encourages manipulative behavior and head games from both sexes.

I do think that giving up your seat to someone who looks like they need it more is a good thing. I usually try to give up my seat to people who look like they need it more than me (I'm a young woman on the DC metro a lot.) I will say, many elderly people have gotten upset when I offered them my seat. They don't like feeling old. But I still do it.

That said, please don't get mad when you see a healthy looking person not giving up their seat. A lot of us have "invisible disabilities." I metroed to work every day for a year while I was suffering from a neurological disorder that made me off balance and very dizzy. It was very, very difficult for me to stand up on the train, and often I would feel faint. I got a lot of glares for not offering up my seat sometimes, because I looked just fine. Some of us young, healthy-looking people are NOT fine. I also used my "voice" and occasionally asked for seats when I was feeling particularly bad, and I would get dirty looks, even if I attempted to explain that I was indeed sick.

As for the pregnancy issue, I know too many circumstances where someone was mistaken for pregnant who was in fact not. My understanding of proper etiquette is that you don't assume someone is pregnant unless you are told. I was on a packed metro train when a pregnant woman complained loudly that no one had offered her a seat. The thing was, no one could see she was pregnant because it was that crowded on the train. I myself was standing right in front of her. How could people be expected to know she was pregnant with me and other people blocking the view of her stomach? I was really startled to realize I'd been standing against a pregnant woman, I'd had no idea. If the train is packed with standing people, no one's going to see your pregnancy. She was really mad, but tons of people jumped up when she said she was pregnant. I'm sure most people had no idea.

I guess all I'm asking is to be polite whenever you can and generous, but don't assume people are being selfish just because they appear to be fine, or don't notice your disability.

"Drugging someone so that they behave in a way that is more acceptable to your personal goals and wishes is not only unethical but immoral. Isn't this the same defense men use when administering date rape drugs?"

Hmmm, I guess we shouldn't give kids with ADHD Ritalin, or depressed kids antidepressants, or psychotic kids anti-psychotics. That would be unethical. If your kid is crying because of a headache? Can't give them pain reliever to stop the crying, that will change the child's behavior. Comparing parents giving children medication that makes them fell and behave better to a date rape drug is ridiculous. Lots of medicines have side effects, this means that parents can't give their kids any medication then.

I can remember being a small child, and asking my parents for drammamine when we travelled. I knew that when I took it, not only did I feel better (no airsickness), but I slept. I loved drammamine from a small age, and it took it whenver I flew through age 16.

By the way, for all the people who complain about the screaming, misbehaved children. I travel quite a bit for work, and frankly, most children I come across behave quite well. I actually love sitting near children when I travel for business because I'm a bit afraid of flying, and playing with the children keeps me occupied. As for a baby crying on a plane, I can usually barely hear the crying over the roar of the engines anyway.

I sometimes wonder if people are looking for misbehaving children. This is is one frequent (childless) business traveller who has never found babies/children on flights to be a more than once-in-awhile problem.