I guess I'm coming late to the game, but one thing I don't understand is why people think they have to put off marriage in order to pursue a higher degree and career.

I was engaged at 21 and married at 22. We met in college. Since I grew up in an urban, east coast area, people were shocked. Well, now I'm 27, no kids yet. My husband and I have both had great careers in an urban setting, and we are now both in graduate school. We hope to have kids in a couple of years.

I'm boggled when people think that marriage has to be delayed until they are "established." I think that this is the problem. My husband and I are getting established together.

I also don't get the part about 21 and 22 year olds not understanding love or being too immature to marry. Maybe some are. But so are some 30-somethings and 40-somethings.

Maybe once we don't see as marriage, higher education, and careers as mutually exclusive, this won't be so difficult.

I think it may be easier to "have it all" than are making it out to be.

I just had to respond to the person who said that Asian men and white women can't work. I'm in my late 20s, and the child of an Asian man and a white woman. Their marriage was strong and still is. It has always worked. My mom was always accepted. Now one of my Asian relatives is with a black woman, and that is working too.

This situation in this letter sounds like its problematic. But there are plenty of Asian men who don't have these issues.

I'm childless. I have friends who are mothers. None of my mother friends only talk about babies. When they do talk about babies, I don't mind. Babies are interesting! So are other things.

Frankly, I think if for some reason, you can only be friends with a parent if you are a parent, or you can only be friends with childless if you are childless, then then there is just something immature about your relationships generally.

I know lots of childless people and parents who are friends and work it out, as is the case with me.

So I don't get why this is such a big deal for some people at all. The only thing I can conclude is that your friendships have been fairly shallow all your lives, and the parent/non-parent transitions just make this clear.

Hmm, I wonder what it means then, that while I've been in the U.S., very few men went after me (I'm an American woman), but when I lived overseas (in East Asia), I had more men interested in a serious relationship with me than I ever did in the U.S. Its odd to me that people always refer to East Asia and Eastern Europe as havens for American men. I had many opportunities to date East Asian men, and have been seriously involved with Eastern Eurpean men in the past. I felt wanted and admired by Chinese men in a way that I'd never gotten from American men. And not in a "she's western, she's easy" kind of way, but men who were interested in a serious relationship.

I suppose the only answer is that I attract Communists.

Looks like different cultures apparently have to just swap potential spouses with each other.

"What strikes me is other posters comparing what used to be normal wife roles- cooking, taking care of children, washing stuff- taking care of the home as some sort of slave-like tasks."

No, they aren't slave like tasks, but they can feel slave like if you are expected to do them merely because of your gender.

Its very rare to find a couple that actually shares equally, even when both the husband and wife work full time. I feel that a lot of men I've known resent doing any housework at all. Most men I've known who complain about girlfriends or wives who don't do housework are usually just mad that their significant others don't do all of it. Now, that may not be true of people posting here, I don't know you all. I'm just speaking from my personal experience.

My husband and I share very equally, but people act as if he's doing all of it just because he does half (a lot of which is cooking). But I do the laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, and much of the cleaning up. In addition, I have the higher paid job, and provide the benefits for our family. But people act like my husband is some kind of saint, and talk as if I'm being waited on hand and foot because he does some of the housework. My husband will even correct people and say, in fact, we divide it equally, and we're more reliant on my paid work. But again, most people act as if I'm some kind of spoiled woman because my husband shares equally and doesn't complain.

I do resent hearing men say all they want is someone who will take care of the house. Why should the wife automatically do that? Obviously, someone has to. If I worked part-time, or if I become a stay-at-home mom some day, yeah, of course I'd do more housework. Or, when my husband was taking a class, in addition to working full time, I did well over half the housework because he was busier. Just like my husband did more when he was unemployed for awhile. But my husband didn't get married because he needed soemone to take care of him. He got married to have a life companion. Yes, we take care of each other when one or the other is sick, and take care of our household together. But I'm not going to do the lion's share of the housework because I'm a wife, and its somehow my role. We'll work out those duties between ourselves as we see fit.