Of all of the opinions you have gathered in your search for the answers, is his one of them? He may be willing to go for an adventure (especially if you present him with as many options you can think of that will appeal to his science-loving mind). He may desperately want to stay where he is. I would think that how he feels should be the driving force behind your decision. But whatever you do, do not move in with your mother. If she is as critical as you say, she will crush his soul. There are websites geared toward linking single parents up so that they can room together. Check those out. Expand your support system. If your son wants to stay wjere he is, stay. Borrow some money from your folks, if you must, but remain independent.

You've mis-identified your angel. You are married to her.

Don't compund it by getting entangled with this ghost from your past. This is a big, hot oven, and you'll only get burned.

Focus on your family, and your life, and how much you've created. Look forward, not back!!

And I say this in the most sympathetic way. You are still very young, in that you still completely draw your identity and self-worth from your parents and your experiences as their child.

You must, must realize that your parents' behavior had very little to do with you. This fact dawns on most people some day, usually after they've had children of their own and realize that the things they do and don't do as parents has nothing to do with the child in front of them, and usually too late to allow them to truly enjoy some of their earlier years.

My father is a hard man in many way, and I had a lot of anger toward him until one day I had a conversation with my aunt. She explained the terrible things his mother used to do to him, and I realized that, even though he was grown up and was suppoting a family, even though he was my dad and had all of the awesome responsibility that came along with it, he was still dealing - or, more aptly, not dealing - with a lot of the traumas that had been inflicted upon him in his childhood. It made me see him as a human being. Once I took him off the pedestal, I was able to see what his strengths and weaknesses as a parent were, and seek the input and influence I needed that he was unable to give from other sources. I began to see myself as an individual, separate from him and my mom, with my own experiences, and I could choose how deeply I allowed myself to be influenced or controlled by those experiences and move along with my own life.

Your mother is an alcoholic for reasons that have nothing to do with you. She probably always will be an alcoholic. She will never bee the mother you needed, or want. But if you can manage to see her as a human being, with her own flaws, you can start to get over the hurt and anger you feel as a result of her parental deficiences and truly live your life on your own terms.

The advice above also applies to relationships. Many times, how a partner treats you has little to do with who you are. It's more about how you fit into their dynamic, and what needs they are meeting in the context of your relationship. The more people realize that, and stop internalizing someone else's behavior as a reflection of their own flaws and faults, the more healthy relationships there will be!!

As for your dad, there is nothing that you can do to fill the void his death has left, except perhaps celebrate the meaning he did bring to your life while he was in it.

This is not to diminish or minimize what must have been a disappointing, perhaps traumatic childhood. It's more a tool to try to help you deal with it and move past it. Because that's where it is. In the past. You can't change it, and it's not likely that anything will make up for it. But it is possible to be happy today, and tomorrow. I hope you find some peace and happiness.

I'm all for loving someone, but if you face these kinds of geographical issues and neither one is willing to make the sacrifice to relocate, then it's time to move on. There are more than 6 billion people on the planet, for Pete's sake. Why on Earth does this fantasy that there's only One True Love for any given person persist? Let go. By now you know what your needs are. Find someone who meets them. Find someone who wants to (i) live in the same time zone (ii) get married (iii) get married to you. Time, distance, and your boyfriend himself have told you this one isn't the one.

P.S. If he's playing the sowing wild oats card, chances are he's already done mowed down a stalk or two.