Letters to the Editor
beantowan
Published Letters: 17 Editor's Choice: 2
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happiness in modern affluent living
[Read the article: The happiness gap]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The experience of men and women, as groups, is really too extensive for generalizations. What I have noticed from my own observations is that there is a certain "coolness" to being a chilled-out guy and taking life in stride, which is encouraged in school, the office, social life, and family interaction.
On the other hand, it seems that many women feel a pressure to impress, to strive, and to please. I've often mentioned this to my women friends, and to my wife. In short, and to paraphrase Ferris Beuller, sometimes you just gotta say "f**k it". Not in a menacing way, but with a shrug of the shoulders. That gets a bit more complicated when you have kids, or aging parents, etc., but even then (and now I am entirely in speculation-land) the world will not end. What will end, though, is this life, and it isn't a dress rehersal. I hope I will enjoy it, and ignore the opportunities to get wrapped up in disappointments or frustrations.
There is no nice way to say this, but life is sh*t, and then you die. It just seems like more men understand this than women, from my observations.
Those high school girls may have very satisfying lives. I don't know, but I wouldn't recommend trying to be perfect. Seems like the odds of reaching that goal are rather poor. My advice would be to get a good education, find a decent/good job, and get drinks with friends. In 100 years, no one will care one whit whether one was accepted into the National Honor Society, Dartmouth, or the popular crowd.
But then again, it's like that old saying about people who say they can take a hint... If saying any of this could make a difference, it would've already.
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LW, run this test on yourself
[Read the article: Lonely single guy tired of being lonely and single seeks person ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It isn't scientific, but imagine a partner and then imagine making the effort throughout most every day to pay attention to her. Stop.
Your letter is about your loneliness. That's sad, and all. But, if you want advice about pairing up with someone, it seems like the first step is knowing whether you are pairable. It is work. And you will often not feel like you are getting an equivalent amount of attention back. So, back to the test. Can you make that effort? Will you still feel like you? Will you avoid negative reactions and still want the relationship? If so, then congratulations, you are pairable.
There is a ton of advice about dating in these letters, so I'll spare you. (Besides, I'm married and fairly successful, which means that just about every woman in my life craves attention and flirtation. I don't blame them, but the gods are a bit cruel.)
You see, when reading your letter, I couldn't help myself from wondering if you have the, er, backbone to pay attention to someone else or, and this is a big "or", if you need attention from someone. Sir, if you need attention, get in line. Or, better yet, ignore dating and focus on experiences that result in, you guessed it, you getting attention. (Writing to an advice column accomplishes that quite nicely.)
Best of luck.