My fifth grade teacher (rest her soul) had something wrong with her. I can't remember what it was and I don't think she ever told us. But, whatever it was, she had difficulty holding in some farts. She was in her 60s. One day, She was at the blackboard teaching us God knows what, and she let a few fly. Kids were laughing as one expects kids to do. She turned around and looked at us - you could see the pain in her eyes. She said that from time to time this would happen and it was a result of medical problems. Then she added that she hoped we would respect her enough to not laugh when it happened in the future. I don't remember it really being an issue after that. We would hear it, look around to make sure others heard, then just go back to whatever it was we were doing.

My moral is pretty simple. Human beings can be pretty disgusting. As soon as you think you aren't, remember, some day, if you're lucky enough, you'll be so old that you'll need someone else to wipe your ass. That will be most likely be unpleasant for the person(s)who has to do it. Probably more unpleasant than dealing with a fart. So, my dear, sit there and take it, and thank God you can wipe your own ass.

Stand up.

Working in New York for 13 years, and you can't afford to live in Manhattan?

Alright. I'm sure you do make enough to live in Manhattan. Nevertheless, the next time you're deeply inhaling someone's fart on the F, almost tasting their last meal and their insides, think of me strolling to my office with a nice 20 minute walk. I have to smell those kebab vendors. Wait, that smells good.

Would you like me to leave?

Can't stand intelligent conservatives?

I think I add a ton of value to this site, by drawing boundaries for liberals. When you guys lose your sanity and perspective - we bring it back to you with slamming arguments.

Can't stand the heat - throw out the stove? You'll freeze to death. I don't want liberal fantasy-land to get all icey. Plus you need us conservatives, stoking the flames of industry, too keep the economy going so you can have all the trapping of the uber-privledged existance in fantasy-land where everyone is a victim and no one is right and coffees are 8 dollars.

How long will this post stay up? I think it's relevant.

Okay, there is something I think all Saloniks should know. I would guess that 99% of the 'trolls' in here are ultra intelligent people who are very positive forces in society. The modern world is all June and Ward, the blogosphere is all Beav and Wally, we're us trolls are just Eddie Haskal.

If we were idiots we would be on porn sites or reading Bill O'Reilly's site, or LGF or something else. We recognize that they are full of shit. So, we come here. The best writers, the best topics. Unfortunatly, because President Bush has made such a mess of the universe, it seems as if politics are becoming more and more important on this website. And, as one would expect, people get more heated about politics than most anything else.

We're not the mouthbreathers you think. We're highly educated people who need an outlet. I'm so completely politically correct in 'real life,' because that is how I want to be perceived and I don't want to offend anyone. Salon's letter section has allowed me to be less politically correct and say things I would never otherwise say in the 'real world.' This forum lets me vent when I think we're just going too far. It lets me say what I'm really thinking, or - get this - it lets me play the devils advocate for causes I don't even support. The more robust the debate, the better the understanding (right?).

Like the other day on that "My guy is staring at chicks" article. I bet I hurt some feelings with my first post. But, I think it closer to the truth than anything else that was posted. So, in other words, Salon is like a really perfect peach. The outside looks great and there is a ton of substance in there. It's great to consume and it's good for you. But, when you strip everything away, you get that nasty knarley mangled pit. That's us trolls. I could take this farther, but, I hope you get the idea.

Or you can just look up my IP address, tell my boss I'm spending way too much time on this thing, get me fired, and tell the world who I really am. (It would be like my own little Chris Hanson moment)

And, in my defense, I'm a 24 year old male. We can get worked up about things. We can say hurtful things (remember that guy you used to date?) I'm confident I'll mellow out with age. Until then, g'day.