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Saturday, Nov 7, 2009
welcomerain
Published Letters: 292 Editor's Choice: 3
Let's see...
Liberal icon given a pass -- check.
Condescending attitude toward men -- check.
Assumption that women are the only victims of sexism -- check.
OK, it's a genuine article. Press on!
Jeez. If you need to ask the worst advice columnist on the Internet, in an online publication which is extravagantly opposed to gun rights, whether or not to buy a gun, you probably shouldn't. You lack common sense.
When PBS isn't far enough to the left for your taste, it may be time to check exactly where you are standing.
Your article reminds me of a man I once knew, whom I came to call "Slander Fu" because of his Jedi-like ability to deliver the one insult that would break his target.
To one woman at a party he said: "Charlene, you're the reason some animals eat their young." Not a nice comment, but not particularly terrible, nor even very logical...but it somehow found the resonant frequency of her every insecurity, and she was reduced to tears in a back room for an hour until she finally fled the party, disconsolate.
To another, he made a comment about the man's "algae-covered teeth". This man was articulate and educated, but sensitive about his humble beginnings, which were reflected in his dentition. Here at least I could see the connection between the insult and the reaction, which landed both Slander Fu and Algae Teeth in the pokey for mutual assault.
I choose to forget what Slander Fu said to me, but as Jeeves said once in a parallel circumstance, "it was opprobrious". I didn't show any outward sign of collapse, having been a careful observer of his ways for some time, but I had a rough night of it. I think of his words still, and I flush with anger when I do so.
Eventually he lost his edge. Soft living? A new girlfriend? I'm not sure. Something took Slander Fu's supernatural ability away, maybe. Or maybe he learned the last lesson of mastery: how not to use his ability.
I can't speak for Heather, but I know how I'd feel in response to your statement. I'd be bored and disinterested. I would heave a weary sigh, having already predicted that someone would take this obvious course in their reply, and would probably assume that their hackneyed wit was somehow devastatingly effective.
I'm guessing the difference between me and Heather in this regard is that she isn't going to bother to reply to you.
Dear LW, you've made a fairly common mistake. You are a man with needs which are at odds with a woman's needs. Cary will always and invariably reach right past your needs and make hers predominate.
That's what he did here. Since you love her, he argues, you will go with her. What about if she loves you? That question would never occur to him. He will betray your interests in her favor. For whatever reason, he does this a lot, and always along these gender lines. Ignore him. He's a jerk.
For what it's worth, I'd advise you to follow your career. There are three billion women on the planet; more than one of them is likely to be a good match. If things don't work out in Berkeley (and the fact that she's a superannuated child suggests that they won't), you will have passed up something important.
Your career is yours forever. Women come and go.
Mothers, fathers, boyfriends, male friends...whenever a 20- or 30-something woman fails at life, she goes to someone.
When will the male half of the planet learn not to ask Cary Tennis for advice in a matter where there is a woman with a competing interest? He won't help you, guys. He won't even see you. He'll see right through you to that woman, and he'll distort his advice to you in order to address her needs.
So you're crazy because you love her? That's a nice way to put you on the same footing as your cheating wife, who is really, actually crazy. That's also crap. You're keeping the faith. You're abiding by your vows. She's the cheating whore.
Next time, write to Dan Savage. He'd have told you DTMFA (dump the motherfucker already) in about a tenth of the space Cary wasted in trying to undermine you and promote your wife's agenda.
She wants you to stick around, as a walking wallet, a source of security, and a perpetual victim. Don't.
Instead, get the trump cards into your hand, fast. Get the meanest, best lawyer you can and do what he tells you. Get the house, if you can. Get custody of the daughter. At the very least, ask your lawyer how to avoid being thrown out of your own house. Expect your wife to attempt false allegations of abuse as a way to do that, and make sure you're covered. Sometimes it is advisable to seek representation from the county attorney by asking for a protective order, on whatever basis. It'll probably be denied, but at least the county attorney cannot then represent your wife.
Fight for your life. Win. And then get therapy, to understand how this happened and how to recover from it.
I've been where you are, and I know it's hard to hear, but the advice above is the very best thing you can do for all concerned. If you want to discuss this further, let me know in this thread.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The Maine fight was supposed to be the dress rehearsal for repealing California's Prop. 8 -- but gay marriage lost
Once one obtains Seriousness credentials in the Washington media, they are irrevocable no matter one's conduct.
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