..."adjust your standards" is to say, "The perfect man isn't out there."

One time someone put it like this: "Men aren't items you can order with options like a car."

As bad as the Rules books get bashed, they did make this point. Choose a man for what's on the inside, not the outside; then accept him with the flaws that he comes with.

I am not talking about "flaws" like an anger problem or emotionally withholding, but "flaws" such as he doesn't know the wine list, has a little paunch, and won't shut up about those effing Lord of the Effing Rings movies.

Some women seem so angry about a guy who's a little schlubby because "we have to be so perfect why shouldn't they." I think this is part of what's going on sometimes. But do you want to be happy with what he brings to the table that you don't already have in your life (he's funny, for example?) or do you want to keep on not having what he brings, that you don't have, into your life? That's my opinion on women taking a second look at the schlubby guys...so what if we can't be similarly schlubby. Find the right schlubby one and he may bring enough into your life to open up whole new sides of life and make up for it, that's what I found, but a lot of women don't want to hear it because they are stuck on "I have to be this and that and that why don't they" Anyway, it's worth a shot saying just, "he's not out there...Bill (husband) isn't perfect!" That's what I think a real, married, non-smug friend would say.

I guarantee you Kathleen Sibelius is spending more on her hair than any girl-next-door with the tousled bedhead long loose curls 'do. Leave movie stars out of it because again, they use professional colorists and get a touch-up every millisecond. But that Blake do can be achieved (again) for $10 a month, counting color. I suppose $20 if you add in shampoo, conditioner, and shine serum.

I just googled Kate Harding and she seems to rock the tousled, windblown at the beach look herself as well. This do is considered sexy and many women may "aspire" to it because guys love it. But it is not expensive.

Just for fun, I image-googled Mary Elizabeth Williams and Joan Walsh too. They all have pretty much a shorter version of the Blake. Straight, a little wave, no precise bangs that have to be cut at a certain time, not platinum, could go either way straight or more culred. Not high-maintenance or expensive.

A lot of liberal-minded women seem to like the Kathleen Sibelius look. I can't say they "aspire" to it because of the liberal women I know, only a few go to the trouble to get that look. I expect it's de rigeur for politicians. But I bet you that hairdo takes many times the amount of time and money that the tousled "just spent a day at the beach" or "just got tousled in bed" look does.

Real Conservative, I'm glad you brought it up. You're 180 degrees wrong on the 3 friends of mine in bad marriages and why they married. I grew up in an extremely strict, extremely conservative sect. One of them married the guy she did because his strict demeanor made her think one day he would be an elder in the church. Also, her mother didn't like the guy and said (word for word) "I forbid you to marry him and if you do you are going to Hell for defying me." The girl was 19 at the time, and I believe the main reason she has stuck with him was the continuing wish not to prove her mother right. Also, she said she doesn't believe in divorce religiously. If she divorces for reasons other than adultery, she believes she can never marry again.

Another, the drinking husband is a preacher in a related, but not as conservative, sect. I believe both of them probably grew up in the more conservative milieu. The husband who took to drinking is 20 years older. I believe the friend who married him had Daddy issues way back. There is sexual abuse in her family background.

The third one is a Catholic who I have it on good authority thinks sex is dirty and hops out of bed to shower immediately, that sort of thing, and is a prosecutor.