Letters to the Editor
Malusinka
Published Letters: 350 Editor's Choice: 49
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Consider moving, after all, it's your turn
[Read the article: We moved, and now my husband is miserable]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The important part is how. You need to know what he's going to get out of the move (concretely, as in has a job lined up), and what sacrifices you'll have to make (as in, you've found the best possible job) and what sacrifices you'll jointly have to make (housing market, etc).
You seem to be an achiever and you've done well in your company. I think those things will carry over to a new job.
I think you two should explore the option of moving seriously. Then, you might start to get a better feeling for whether your husband is a slacker and whiner, as many have suggested, or someone who doesn't fit in and would be happier in another place.
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No more pets!
[Read the article: Should we euthanize the Yorkie?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]All the people giving advice about replacing the Yorkie with another dog or cat are off the mark. The grandma can't take care of a pet. She can't train it. And all 'Dog whisperer' advice is training. The chief caretaker rewards good behavior. Grandma is rewarding whining and ignoring good behavior.
It's not clear to me that the dog is incontinent or just getting totally inadequate care. My short term advice is to make sure the dog gets a lot more outdoor time. That's a job for someone other than Grandma. Walk the dog 10 times a day if it will only walk for 5 minutes. If this doesn't work (perhaps because neither Grandpa nor Aunt is willing to take the responsibility) then:
Talk to the vet. If the dog has serious medical problems that better care can't fix (I'd say incontinence is one), then it's probably time to euthanize.
If the dog has no health problems and no one in the house where it lives is capable of giving it adequate care (enough walks, decent diet), then I still say it should go. Either the pee or poop has soaked into the carpet causing permanent smells(those special sprays help, but they can't cope with chronic problems) or the wet floors are a slipping hazard in a house with fragile elderly people.
As for no-kill shelters, when they fill up, they stop taking in new animals (who will then go to other shelters with different policies). How many people looking for a new pet are going to want an old, fat, blind dog with house training problems? Not many. Yes, some get adopted, but the supply of such animals far exceeds the demand.
Anyway, don't get sucked into the whole 'what is our society coming to' thing. Look at the question from a humane perspective: the health and quality of life of the dog and the health and quality of life of your grandparents. That way, if you make the decision to euthanize, you won't think you did the wrong thing even if your grandma asks about the dog 50 times a day for the rest of her life.
Wring the thing's neck because it's a fat, annoying yap-yap and you'll probably regret it.
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HR Departments
[Read the article: Fantasies in black and white]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]In all fairness to beleagured HR departments, Roberta Susan White is going to find getting a job easier than Bobbie Sue White. In Connecticut, where that Yale study probably took place.
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Wild and Wacky Time
[Read the article: It's gift-giving time, and I'm cranky about gift cards and pushy kids]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I'd go for wild and wacky. Maybe even tacky.
Then, get your camera ready!
Get Tiffany a huge hideous garden gnome and a book from Emily Post about how to write thank-you letters. Or you could get her a comic book. An intellectual one. Cartoon history of the world, Tintin (depending on her age).
Or you can think of things they'd never do. Or a big joint gift (like a trip to the movies). But, it is hard to do lots of good thinking about so many people.
You could recycle things you have (and won't miss).
And remember, often things are appreciated later. My aunt, an eldery not-at-all hip woman gave my kids some CDs at an age where they ripped them open and dropped them without looking at the name tag. Only two years later when my Aunt was complaining about poor present picking for my kids did I realize that she'd given them their favorite CDs.
And sometimes what not to buy helps. My kids live far from their relatives. My daughter, who has never played with dolls, would have been inundated with them if I didn't put a reminder on every Christmas list. She'd have received expensive American Girl dolls with complete wardrobes, when a 10$ stuffed dog would be received with far more pleasure.
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Division of Labor persists
[Read the article: Keeping men out of the kitchen?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]When I was a teen, I was determined that my marriage would be a 50-50 split. And sexism free. My mother taught me to sew. My husband learned a lot of car chores from his father. So, the chore split in our family is pretty traditional.
In my family, cooking big dinners is a social time for the women. And the kitchen is full. My daughter likes to join the group. My son (surprise, surprise) doesn't want to join a group of women. My daughter watches me sew and wants to learn.
My son watches my husband work on cars and wants to learn.
I suspect the next generation will be similar to this one. My daughter will look on cooking big dinners as a fun social occasion and be a competent seamstress. My son will know how to change oil and avoid getting bossed around by a team of women chatting about clothes on Thanksgiving.
I had the opportunity to learn from my husband how to work on cars. He could have learned to sew (actually I think he knows how but hates it). My daughter and son are the same. Is it sexism? No really. We had choices and made them. That's what freedom is about.