Letters to the Editor
Malusinka
Published Letters: 350 Editor's Choice: 49
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Not Realistic at all
[Read the article: It's gift-giving time, and I'm cranky about gift cards and pushy kids]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]A Realist said, "It is beyond the pale to tell someone what NOT to buy you or your children. Forsooth! And before we blame today's kids, remember that behind every ungrateful child or acquisitive brat is a parent who hasn't taught their kids what's what"
Not realistic at all! I live in a different country from my family. My kids were for a long time the only grandchildren on both sides and my daughter is still the only girl. My family wants to buy them things. And, guess what? They want to please them. I can suggest things, but the best gifts are ones the giver has thought up. But somethings one kid doesn't like.
If I hadn't put a no-dolls hint on every Christmas list, my daughter would have received hundreds of dollars worth of brand new dolls, handmade doll wardrobes, and my sister-in-law's antique doll house. Money, labors of love and treasured possessions. And appreciated none of it.
You can get a six year old to say 'Thanks' and write a poorly spelled letter. But appreciation for the love that an unwanted gift is trying to express? Forget it!
A blacklist means that the time and effort my family spends buying presents for my kids generally results in pretty good choices. Some great, some okay. But almost never a 'oh, no, not another one of these!'
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Calling lawyers is overkill
[Read the article: Somebody sent child protective services to my house!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You feel paranoid and defensive about your parenting. That's normal. I went through it when I got on the CPS list after my son had a suspicious accident. You need to restore your confidence in your parenting.
Calling the press, fighting the CPS, and hiring lawyers won't do this. Talking to your friends and family will. You might consider taking a parenting class. I suggest this not because I think you are a bad parent, but because talking to other parents about parenting will help you see that every one has the same problems you do. Every parent has a kid who's kicked.
Every parent of a high energy, easily overexcited kid will have had criticisms of her parenting skills, some of them sharp. I expect all parents, except,perhaps of the most angelic kids have had at least one person think they were an inadequate parent.
Nasty anonymous accusations aren't nice, but you say the woman you suspect has moved away. Don't worry about it. If you're an adequate parent (note the fairly low standard I'm setting) everyone around you will know.
And you don't know what went through the accuser's mind. Maybe she's a vindictive bitch. Maybe she's under a lot of stress and blew her kid's exagerated story out of all proportion.
You don't want to blow this incident out of all proportion, too. So, don't hire those lawyers. Don't call the newspapers. Let it go.
And as for the CPS, they have to do their job. They have to follow up on complaints. I got CPS treatment way beyond what you got and it was pretty awful. I got hassled because not long before my son had his accident, some kid got beaten to death and CPS missed the symptoms.
I'd rather put up with scary, unpleasant hassling (they were polite and professional but their goal was to find out if I regularly abuse my son) than know that some kids are subject to abuse by parents who get away with it.
Put it all in perspective and let it go. Yes, I know it's hard. It took me some time. But that's what you need to do.
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Sometimes it's just stupid
[Read the article: Somebody sent child protective services to my house!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Why get yourself all worked up about an accusation. Maybe the accuser was just stupid. I had a moral dilemma in the middle of the night when I was 11. The neighbors' new baby was wailing again. Surely crying in the middle of the night, every night wasn't normal.
And there'd been recent articles in the paper about how class and money didn't affect abuse. Even nice, middle class families like my neighbors could be abusers.
My parents were asleep and I didn't want to wake them. I almost called the police on those awful abusers whose newborn cried at 4 am EVERY night. I was earnest, well-meaning and COMPLETELY clueless.
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What about lice?
[Read the article: The filthy, stinking truth]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Which those unwashed 17th century folks undoubtedly had. They were playing host to a swarm of nasty itchy blood suckers.
It's a statement of how far we've come in hygiene that no one has mentioned the parasite issue. I can't believe it is healthy to have lice living on you and sucking your blood.
You might convince me that a non-athletic white collar worker doesn't need a daily bath, but who wants to go back to the days of lice-filled itching and scratching discomfort?
Give me soap any day! (Every day)
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Spanking is a backup when time outs don't work
[Read the article: To spank or not to spank?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]When my daughter was 3.5 she refused time outs. I'd have to hold her in the corner while she yelled furiously about the unfairness of it. Discipline was a nightmare. I gave her 2 firm swats on the bum. She learned to cooperate in time-outs. My kids got spanked after they refused what other punishment I set for them (time out or writing 10 sentences (I will not hit my brother, etc)). The threat of a spanking made the non-spanking punishments work.
My kids did try to 'get away with murder.' And refusing to cooperate with time-outs or sentence writing (I will behave x10) is one way to get away with it.
Parents who get angry and lose control are going to get angry and lose control whether spanking is outlawed or not.
Abuse is abuse and the law seems to be able to identify it without criminalizing parents dealing with stubborn, uncooperative, unreasonable small kids.