Letters to the Editor
Tara21
Published Letters: 180 Editor's Choice: 11
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what happened?
[Read the article: My business trip ended with me in four-point restraints!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]LW, If you get a new job you'd need to spell out specifically that you can't fly. It sounds like with the current boss the agreement was rather vague -- 'minimal travel.' The boss sounds harsh, but on the other hand, we don't have details. Say you need to attend a conference cross-country and would have to use several vacation days to get there and back via land travel, but the boss really needed you in the office on those days too ... what i'm saying is from the boss' point of view you're kind of a pain in the neck employee.
Trust me, I totally sympathize with your phobia -- I'm nearly agoraphobic myself -- but you need a more concrete plan on how to either work around it or cure it.
And as others have pointed out, casually mixing diff meds w/a couple of drinks is practically a suicide attempt -- at the very least, a cry for help. And what, you take a med "daily" for occasional flying? Did something traumatic happen to you (even before 9/11) that caused your sudden extreme fear, as you said that previously you were fine w/flying?
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Use your head
[Read the article: Why can't I find a relationship that will last?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]As a few others have pointed out, IT IS NORMAL TO WANT A RELATIONSHIP. I had to put that in caps b/c for the past several decades women have been told there's something wrong with them for having this perfectly normal human need.
Having said that, LW needs to get less emotional and more practical. First, what's this about having had FIVE "serious" relationships by age 33? What's the definition of "serious?" I suspect she is mistaking sex and hilarity and texting each other 24/7 for 'serious.' True love is relatively rare in a person's life.
Next, she should get a grip. Don't "fall in love" with someone you already know is a binge drinker, just because they're also a wise-ass (that actually sounds like a gruesome combination). Choose more carefully, distinguish between "having fun" and parsing out the elements that make a true serious relationship (like listening to each other, moral support in day-to-day situations, being on each other's side).
Last, she needs to be very wary of men who have recently broken up with someone. Often -- not always, but often -- they do split after a few months. Again, don't mistake sharing intoxication and 'we talked all nite!' for the underpinnings of a real relationship.
I know, sometimes we can't help who we fall in love with, but other times we definitely CAN help it.
If LW's therapist can offer nothing more than cringe-inducing cliches ("keep busy!") she needs to find a cognitive behavioral therapist who will really work with patterns and reactions.
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@ Mercedes von Uppity
[Read the article: Why can't I find a relationship that will last?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]KUDOS!
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blame society
[Read the article: Why can't I find a relationship that will last?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Wow, don't know when i've ever read so many salon responses that were mostly in agreement, and that hadn't, by page 7, degenerated into hair-pulling and temper tantrums.
MaryDunne and Teensy probably said it best -- it's normal to want someone, and it's hard to find someone, so we shouldn't totally blame ourselves for still being alone. As someone else pointed out, if we have to be perfectly emotionally balanced and 'love ourselves' in order to find a husband, then how did all those other everyday dolts manage to find one??? I mean Yeh, there are some obvious adjustments you can make (avoid drunks, commitment phobes, etc), but for the most part, it's just a matter of luck and timing. At the very least, we can stop blaming and torturing ourselves.
If anything, we could blame society more: we live in an era when men don't have to get married to have regular sex, so they just don't get married. A lot of relationships that break up, if lived 50 yrs ago, would have ended in marriage.
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@Quiet Type
[Read the article: Why can't I find a relationship that will last?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I know -- just because people all got married back then doesn't mean they were happy. Now we have more choice -- we don't have to get married to have sex, babies, a roof over our heads, social acceptance -- but that brings about its own set of problems. And it's true, not all of us will end up married (but LW prob will!). I'd like to think that we're all evolving into something higher -- like maybe in a few generations we'll all have choices, AND have togetherness and companionship!
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who knows?
[Read the article: Will my boyfriend ever want kids and marriage?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]there are no pat answers to this one. Sometimes when a guy tells you he doesn't want kids/fam, you should NOT take him at face value. It isn't always as simple as that.
I've worked with many guys in their 20s who married their long-term gf's and became parents. I don't know how many of the guys knew or expressed w/in the first yr of the relationship that that was what they wanted. Maybe they did - i really don't know.
these days age 26 and one year relationship is young, and short.
A good friend broke up with her bf in their 20s b/c he said he could never be a family man. 4 years later he gets married and has a kid. It's killing her-- on the other hand, i don't thik he's been a very good husband.
my brother was into serial monogamy for decades. Finally at age 47 his latest gf gave him the ultimatum, and he took it. He got married and now has a 3-yr old.
So there are all kinds of men out there, many possible outcomes, altho i have to say if LWs bf is the artsy - alternative type she could have a rough road ahead of her.
At the very least, she needs to have a serious talk with the guy and see how he takes it, see if his attitude starts to soften, but don't give this relationship any more than 2 yrs at the very most.