See, this is why Cary is the advice columnist and the rest of us aren't, thank heavens. While we are all busy analyzing and extrapolating and judging the person, the people in their life, etc., he listens to the person and tries to offer them something they can use. The incredible clusterfuck of perspectives in these letters should show us all how hard that must be. And, in this morning's case, the advice was particularly lovely and useful, I would say. Cary, you're a doll. Don't let the letters people get you down!

And why does everyone have to be so strident? (Look at me, already judging!) A $2,300 engagement ring to one person is a fortune and to another is cheap and to another is just the right amount to show that they are serious. I agree that expressing your love with money is complicated ground, but buying an expensive symbol of your love isn't the worst thing that's ever been done with money. And, you know, it does tend to weed out the jokers.

And, to the poor letter writer: Honey, I feel for you. I am STILL terrified of losing my engagement ring and I'm married already. I sometimes get out of bed to make sure I put it away okay. (I'm irresponsible. I lose jewelry left and right, so this isn't OCD, it's realistic.) Good luck in getting over feeling bad about it! You will, eventually. It was, in the end, only an object. And now, as Cary remarked so beautifully, it has rejoined the circle of life....

What-ever on Cary's sensitive advice. I have a simple rule for you and it is never wrong. If you are a young woman, and a guy wants to "hang out," it's a date. I had to learn this the hard way as a single woman, often starting "friendships" that I learned were never really just friendships, even when the guy pretended for a while that they were, and hurting guys' feelings and being hurt (Wait, you don't like me just as a person?) and going through some ugly scenes of disappointed expectations.

The exception to this is the moment when you are SURE that he means to be friends, POSITIVE it's not a date. In those cases, it's only sometimes a date.

Once I understood this, and accepted it to myself, I got myself in a lot less trouble.

And now that I'm no longer a young single woman, I see how it looks from the other side. New people who you meet usually DON'T just want to hang out with you. You get so much less of that friendly, casual social attention when you aren't a potential sex partner. I find this is true even with other women. When I was available, I was invited to places, befriended, etc. much, much more easily. Maybe they subconsciously wanted a wingman, or to introduce me to their guy friends. You could view this as sad or a hassle or shallow and be bitter about it, or you could just accept that the world is a softer, friendlier, different place for young women, especially attractive ones, in ways that you won't even see until your sex-potential days are more or less behind you, and enjoy it while it lasts!

I'm dubious about launching someone on a journalism career with advice that boils down to 'be sassy and lie,' though of course it works for some people.

i would say, stop expecting to get "a writing job" handed to you and instead start pestering editors with story ideas. accept the idea that no one is ever, ever, ever going to call you back, for the next 5-7 years, and keep trying to get editors on the phone and suggest ideas to them. maybe they'll discuss or tell you to contact them by email and your foot is in the door. admit that you don't have clips but say you'll do it "on spec" (that means they owe you nothing if they don't like it.)

go after editors every way you can. go through your friends in the business if you have them, make some if you don't. persisting and being forward are traits of a good reporter, and while 14 out of 15 editors will be as mean as can be in rejecting you, one may give you a chance, and all you'll need is a few before you start getting somewhere, and THEN you get the writing job.

also, this might be a good time to accept that you probably aren't 'a pretty decent' writer yet, in terms of what editors are looking for, which is generally a very specific and formulaic product that doesn't have a lot of literary flexibility. you don't have to be good at this yet, no one will really expect it, but you do have to be humble about being rewritten and accepting edits and trying to understand not what it is that YOU want to do, but what it is your editor needs.

if you are fast and reliable and willing to do anything at the last minute without being a pain in the ass, you will get work.

and oh, your 'ideas' don't have to be breaking news. start noticing stuff. anytime you find something annoying or weird, ask yourself some more questions about it and it might be news. what do YOU wonder about your favorite celebrity or politician or whomever. that might very well lead to news.