Almost my entire family life for the past 25 years has been about step-parenting, and it's been fine--practically Swedish. But there are rules and things to remember. One thing to remember is that moms get a lot of blame, too. Once, I was at a dinner of about 18 or twenty people, aged 25-60, and we started talking about our mothers--EVERYONE at the table hated their mothers. NOt step-mothers--their own mothers. Now, as a step-mother, this presents an opportunity for you. YOU are going to be more objective but also more sympathetic toward the kids. You never discipline or criticize them. If your husband is letting them run wild, you approach him when he's in a good mood (say, in bed) and explain to him how he might do things differently. But you do it calmly and good-naturedly. Yes, guess what, you have to grow up in order to be a step-parent--you have to learn patience, empathy, and you have to be able to psych out the situation and keep a cool head. If you can, you should indulge the step-kids from time to time (this is easier if the parents are relatively strict). You want to be the good cop. I knew one woman whose step-daughter was visiting for the first time ever. She was terrified--the divorce had been very messy. I advised her to take the girl to the mall at some point and let her have something that she really wanted--maybe a bit extravagant. She did. It broke the ice. The step-kids have to feel as though you are on their side, which means you are a little more sisterly than parental. It does help if the real mother is a narcissistic bitch, and such a thing is not uncommon. It can turn out with girls that the mother and the step-mother each become a bit of a rest from the other one, and the girls enjoy the difference. And then, as the kids and the parents get older, the kids come to realize that the step-mother will enable them to avoid the situation of the movie "Hanging UP'--dad dependent on the daughters and constantly demanding service....

cd. That's the point, isn't it?

I write this as a mother. You cannot save your mother. You can suggest things, like psychiatric evaluation and visiting a clinic. You can also be aware that she could find herself in an emergency situation, and need help that you can give. You can keep track of her symptoms and be sympathetic. But your father and mother have a system that you cannot save them from, and can hardly even understand. You first concern should be your brother--he needs a refuge and a way to get there. He also needs someone to talk to. You and your siblings need a way to understand this situation and come to terms with it. Your parents are more or less a lost cause and only a crisis could save them (but probably won't). It's hard to see this happen, but you would make it worse by entering the situation and trying to change it. That's my opinion.

I read somewhere that if the cabin lost pressure suddenly, the passengers would passed out and been unconscious when the plane hit the water. This is a lovely thought! Is it true?

Thank you. I was afraid of that. But your explanation is very clear and evocative.

We'll be reading about Caitlin Flanagan's divorce in the next five years. I bet her husband is cheating on her, a la Mark Sanford, and she is hiding her head in the sand about it. She has been shooting off her mouth in a superior manner for years now, so everyone will be relieved when the guy finally makes his escape.

One epidural, two "natural". The choice depended on the shape of the child's head and the speed of the delivery. #2 had a sort of pointy head, and though she weighed ten pounds, there wasn't much pain. #3 came so fast the dr. had to run to catch him. He was skinny, too (8 lbs 8 oz, 22 inches long). ON the pain list, the pain of childbirth ranks fairly low, in my estimation, compared to two frozen shoulders and a couple of major earaches. I say, make up your mind at the time, and no one can do that for you.

Another story--I have a friend who's a horse vet. Horse vets often "tube" horses--put a tube down the throat into the stomach. Having done this many times over the years, he opted to be "tubed" without anesthetic as part of an exam. AGONY! He will never tube a horse so blithely again. So, docs, do shut it about pain unless you've undergone that procedure yourself.

In no particular order:

Ashes and Diamonds (every shot is perfect)

Pennies From Heaven (great cynical musical)

The Return of Martin Guerre (best evocation of rural dirt)

Tom Jones (So funny)

The Seventh Seal (Best low budget ever)

It Happened One Night (iconic male and female performances)

Yankee Doodle Dandy (for Cagney's performance and the greatest ten seconds of dance ever)

Best in Show (great improv)

A Star is Born (1954 version)

Adam's Rib (everything she says turns out to be prophetic--and she's beautiful, too)

Let's not argue--let's just go watch some movies!

As Naomi Klein pointed out in The Shock Doctrine, this is what crises are for--to funnel more of a society's assets into the pockets of the uber wealthy. It happens country by country, starting with the smaller ones (test cases) and then, through the magic of globalization, capturing the larger and the largest ones. Here we are, folks. They've got it all. I'm not even worried anymore. I am just standing here, watching the collapse. Thank God I'm sixty and my work here is about over. Sorry for the kids, though.